Please review my IELTS Task 2 essay. Thank you!

Greeting everyone! I will be very appreciated if somebody review my essay for me. Thank in advance!

Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

For children to grow up to be good members of the society, a proper education from a young age is crucial. Some believe that this is the responsibility of the parents, while others consider school to be the place for such education. This essay will explore both opinions, and prove that there must be a mutual cooperation from both sides to achieve the best result.

The role of parents in children's upbringing is undeniable. They are the first teachers in everyone's life. Studies show that in the initial phase of development, children usually copy behaviors from people closest to them. This means there is a high chance they will become what their parents were when they grow up. Parents are also the ones they look for first whenever they are troubled and in need of help. Therefore, it is important that they provide basic social knowledge for their kids so that they can cope with difficulty in the future.

Having said that, the development of a child cannot be properly taken care of without the involvement of school. Classes can be compared to a "mini-society", where children interact with each other just like how adults do in real life. As they grow up and spend more time at schools or in social activities, they depend less on parents' protection and more on practical experiences. Without a doubt, schools will play a vital role in the later years of people's childhood.

In conclusion, it is a responsibility for both parents and schools to educate young people and make sure they mature into valuable citizens in the future. To accomplish this goal, communication between families and educational services is essential to provide better information on the development of children and adjust the environment around them accordingly.