Please review my IELTS task 2 essay

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Several manufactured food products and beverages contain a high amount of sugar, which leads to many dangerous health conditions. Therefore, they should be made more costly to promote less sugar consumption in the public. Although I agree that the sugar levels in some food products are high and cause several diseases, I think their prices should not be raised.

Admittedly, some types of food and drink are overly sweetened with a great volume of sugar. This is to ensure that they have an attractive taste that draws the attention of customers, especially children, thereby persuading them to purchase while shopping. As people eat or drink these tasty products, their bodies consume a large portion of sugar. This considerably harms their cardiovascular system or kidneys and consequently renders them contract some adverse conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes. Thus, the overconsumption of this food element is the culprit behind many diseases.

However, I believe that the prices of sugary products should not be made higher as this may result in some repercussions. Specifically, it puts unnecessary pressure on the shopping budget of most households. Since the majority of the budget is dedicated to buying things such as sugar packages, cakes, soft drinks, there would be little money left to spend on other healthier options, including meat and vegetables. As a result, the daily diet of many families would lack some of the important nutrients such as fiber, vitamins, and carbon. Such nutritional deprivation may cause them to be less active when working or have weakened resistance to some illnesses. Because of these reasons, it seems that the hike in prices of sugary products offers little benefit to the community.

In conclusion, I agree that the excessive portion of sugar in some food items and drinks makes it easier for people to fall ill. However, their costs should not be increased owing to that reason because this scheme would bring disadvantages to many houses.