Please review my IELTS task 2 essay

Recently, I try to write my essay on this query, please give me some advises to improve my writing skill. Thank for your helps.

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable, but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The lives were more and more pleasant as a result of countless efforts of people working diligently to get money, but the consequence is conventional values to be disappeared. I completely agree with this point of view.

On the one hand, it is true that the obvious rewards of our hardworking, lives become more comfortable in common. First and foremost, we have enough capability for meeting the basic demand of humankind in order to exist. It is easier for people to deal with the problem of food, water, finding a suitable accommodation or the requirement of clothes. Secondly, a stable financial capability enables people to indulge myself in other higher anticipations such as travel, vogue clothes or communication. Finally, in the age of technology, possessing the modern equipment makes our lives less complicated in all aspects.

On the other hand, in reality, keeping up with bustling society and concentrating to increase income leads to the obliteration of many traditional values and customs. Firstly, that tendency can be blamed for the disappearance of traditional national costumes in many countries. The emergence of fashionable attires puts a heavy pressure on conventional clothes, which in turns regardless of its sentimental values, people gradually have no interested in old-fashioned clothes. Additionally, the lives are more and more hectic, apart from working, people end up not enough time for other activities such as cooking local food and replacing by fast food or microwave meals. As a result, gradually we have not seen traditional food in many modern families.

In conclusion, I believe that our lives will be more comfortable when working hard and getting money, but it also accompanies by the deterioration of conventional values.