Please review my IELTS task 2 essay

Topic: Some people think international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution; however, others think there are other ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay:
Pollution is an alarming issue in our modern world, and polluted air has brought about many adverse effects to society as well as people’s health. In order to reduce this kind of pollution, apart from organizing days that do not allow cars to run on the road, which is clearly a useful way for polluted air reduction, I strongly believe that there are other feasible methods.
On the one hand, thanks to international car-free days, which encourages motorists to give up their cars for a day, air pollution is significantly decreased. The reason is, instead of commuting by cars, people tend to walk on foot, ride a bike or use other types of public transportation such as bus or tube, which are environmentally friendly. This would lead to the minimization of exhaust fumes like CO2 that is the largest contributor to climate change, and as a result, the air quality can be improved. The organized event is held annually in some big cities like Beijing in China in which the air pollution index is relatively high, and after this car-free day, the environment in this city was markedly better.
On the other hand, I have confidence in the feasibility of the following ways which can also decrease the air pollution. To begin with, the governments should be in charge of raising the awareness of citizens about the importance in protecting the atmosphere in particular and the environment in general, which can reduce the activities that are harmful to the air such that burning the fossil fuels and emitting gases from factories. This can be done by launching campaigns on a global scale since environment pollution is an international problem. Moreover, the authorities can decrease the private vehicles usage by raising the tax rate on those means of transports such as cars and motorbikes, which are the main elements causing air pollution. Consequently, the commuters would tend to choose another public transportation instead.
In conclusion, although I do admit that having a day without cars for transporting is advantageous to the atmosphere, I still believe that the world needs other measures to bring more long-term effects.

(355 words)