Please review my IELTS Task 2 Essay

I would be very appreciated if somebody could review my IELTS Task 2 Essay. Thanks in advance!

Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Starting university studies right after graduating from high school is not a must. Nowadays, many young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between these milestones - a practice also known as a gap year. This may have different effects on their lives.

On the positive side, having a gap year can allow one to experience real life before choosing a serious path. High school students still live mostly under parents' protection, with a predetermined plan set up for them. This contributes to many young adults' lack of basic soft skills like shopping or money management. To be a successful person in academic study, one must first learn to take care of himself or herself. The year between may provide such knowledge for young people.

Another benefit of a gap year is that students can have more time to discover their true passion. Higher learning is not the only way to success. Many occupations, such as management or marketing, require little academic knowledge, and instead rely on one's flexibility in difficult social situations. Should they find a better approach to life, higher study in universities may not be necessary anymore.

Having said that, it is not without any downside. Although the period can sharpen social intelligence, academic intellect may be forgotten or hindered after a long time unused. This may prove to be fatal later, since studying in universities can be very challenging without a good foundation in lower education.

The gap year has its pros and cons, and it is crucial that students consider them carefully before engaging, to gain the most benefit from it.