Please review my IELTS task 1 essay. Thank you!

Question

The table below gives information about consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.----------------------------------------------------------------My essay:The table compares the percentage of money that five countries: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey spent on three items: Food/Drinks/Tobacco, Clothing/Footwear, and Leisure/Education in 2002. Overall, consumers spent on Food/ Drinks/ Tobacco much more than the other two categories. Furthermore, there was the least proportion of budget in Sweden which was used for Food/Drinks/Tobacco and Clothing/Footwear, whereas Spain had the least spending on Leisure/ Education. Consumer expenditure on Food/Drinks/Tobacco in Turkey was the highest, at 32.14%, which was followed by Ireland (16.36%), Spain (18.80%), Italy (16.36%), and Sweden (15.77%). On the other hand, less than 10% of the budget was used for Clothing/Footwear, and Leisure/Education. In the Clothing/Footwear category, Italy spent the highest percentage, at 9%, which created a significant gap with the other countries: Turkey (6.63%), Spain (6.51%), Ireland (6.43%), and Sweden (5.40%) respectively. Moreover, Leisure/Education was spent the least, with the highest money belonged to Turkey, at 4.35%, and the least one was from Spain, at 1.98%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table compares the percentage of money (That is not correct. What is the basis for these percentages? The money in your pocket?) that the people / residents in five countries: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey spent on three budget categories ~~items~~: (An item is one object, like a pair of earrings or a box of tissues) Food/Drinks/Tobacco, Clothing/Footwear, and Leisure/Education in 2002.

Overall, consumers spent much more on Food/ Drinks/ Tobacco ~~much more~~ than the other two categories, ~~Furthermore, there was the least proportion of budget~~ (very unnatural) with the Swedes having the lowest percentages and Turks the highest within this category. ~~in Sweden which was used for Food/Drinks/Tobacco and Clothing/Footwear~~, In contrast, Leisure / Education was category with the smallest budgets, with Spain at the bottom. ~~whereas Spain had the least spending on Leisure/ Education.~~

Consumer expenditure on Food/Drinks/Tobacco in Turkey was the highest, at 32.14%, which was followed by Ireland (16.36%), Spain (18.80%), Italy (16.36%), and Sweden (15.77%).

On the other hand, less than 10% of the budget was used for Clothing/Footwear, and Leisure/Education. In this ~~the Clothing/Footwear~~ (Use a pronoun rather than repeat the name) category, Italy spent the highest percentage, at 9%, ~~which created~~ a significant difference ~~gap~~ with the other countries: Turkey (6.63%), Spain (6.51%), Ireland (6.43%), and Sweden (5.40%) respectively. Moreover, Leisure/Education was ~~spent the least,~~ with ~~the highest money~~ (Money is not high or low. ) ~~belonged to~~ Turkey having the highest percentage, at 4.35%, and ~~the least one was from~~ Spain, the lowest at 1.98%.

Comments on this task.

Useful words:
Nationalities:

Turks - people of Turkey (Turkish people)
the Irish - people of Ireland
Spaniards - people of Spain (also the Spanish)
Swedes - people of Sweden
Italians - people of Italy

outlier - a data value that is significantly different than the others. It stands out.

range (verb, also a noun): the span of the extreme values for one measure.

fraction - a division used to make a descriptive comparison between two values. e.g. A = 100 and B = 18. B is a small fraction of A.

Essay for study purposes. This essay is longer than ideal, but gives some example of vocabulary words.

Make an essay plan before you write any words!

My essay plan:

Paragraph 1: Describe the table and the column headings.
Paragraph 2: Write 2 or 3 main observations. (highest and lowest category, by average amounts, compare Turkey with Sweden.
Paragraph 3: Write some interesting details. (Include specific numbers from the table.)

Look for opportunities to combine categories together for comparisons. In this table, you can add up the budgets for each of the countries. It is OK to round off the numbers for comparisons.

For example, the Turkish people allocated a total of 32+7+4 percentage to these three categories. That is 43%, which is much larger than the Swedes (16+5+3 = 24%).

You can also calculate the averages per category. For example, in the food category, (29 +16 + 19 +16 + 32) / 5 = (rounded) 23%.

The table compares the percentages of total spending that people in five different countries allocated to three budget categories (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear and leisure/education) in the year 2002. The countries listed are Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.

Overall, spending was consistently highest in the category "food, drink and tobacco," which averaged 23%, and lowest for "leisure and education", with an average of about 3%. Turkish people spent a greater percentage of their total spending on these three categories compared to the other four countries, about 43%, while Swedes spent the least, 24%.

While Turkish people spent the most for food, drink and tobacco, 32.14%, the Irish came in second at 28.91%. The percentages for Italy, Spain, and Sweden were 16.36%, 18.8%, and 15.77% respectively. Spending on the other two categories was a small fraction of the total. Leisure / education was consistently under 5%, with Turkey having the highest value at 4.35%. And that was slightly lower than clothing and footwear, which ranged from 5.40 to 6.63% in all countries with the exception of Italy, an outlier at 9%.

Please review my IELTS task 1 essay. Thank you!

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