Please review my IELTS task 1 essay. Thank you!

Question

Task 1: The table and pie chart give information about the population in Australia according to different nationalities and areas. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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My essay:

The circle graph shows the percentage of different nationalities who live in Australia, while the table compares the population between staying in the city and the countryside.

Overall, the majority of residents in Australia are Australian. Furthermore, the proportion of people living in the urban area is far higher than that in the suburban one.

In the pie chart, around two-thirds of the citizens in Australia are Australian, at 73%, followed by other nationalities, stood at 14%, New Zealander, Chinese and Dutch with 3%, 2%, and 1% respectively.

On the other hand, although Australians have the highest population among other nationalities, the percentage of Australian people in the city is the least, stood at 80%. Moreover, around 83% to 99% of other nationalities, including Dutch, British, New Zealander, and Chinese, stay in the city of Australia. In particular, most Chinese residents choose the city to live in, holding at 99% compared to 1% of them staying in the countryside.

Please review my essay, please. Thank you!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The circle graph (There is no such term as "circle graph". Read my vocabulary advice for the correct names of these figures.) shows the ~~percentage of~~ (incorrect. It is percentage of the population, not percentage of nationalities) different nationalities who live in Australia and their percentage of the total population, while the table compares the population between staying (wrong word) in the city and the countryside. (Your paragraph is not complete. What nationalities are there? )

In the phrase percentage of X, "X" means what is the total or the whole being divided.

Overall, the majority of residents in Australia are Australian. Furthermore, the proportion of people living in the urban areas is far higher than that in the suburban (wrong word. Suburbs are areas just outside the city boundaries. They are not the countryside.) ~~one~~.

In the pie chart, around ~~two-thirds~~ just under three-quarters of the citizens in Australia are Australian, at 73%, followed by other nationalities, (This is not good. Dutch, Chinese and British are "other nationalities. They are not Australian.) stood at (Not a good expression. It is past tense. The rest of your writing is present tense.) 14%, New Zealander, Chinese and Dutch with 3%, 2%, and 1% respectively.

On the other hand, (Not a good transition) although Australians have the highest population among other nationalities, the percentage of Australian people in the city is the least, stood at 80%. Moreover, around 83% to 99% of other nationalities, including Dutch, British, New Zealanders, and Chinese, stay in the city of Australia. (Australia is not a city. The country of Australia has many cities.) In particular, most Chinese residents choose the city to live in, holding at (Not a good expression.) 99% compared to 1% of them staying in the countryside.

Example essay:
This example is a bit too long, but will give some ideas of how to describe an infographic, in this case, which a combination of a chart and table.

The pie chart and table give information about different nationalities that comprise the population of Australia. Five groups are shown: Australians, British, New Zealanders, Chinese and Dutch. Specifically, the pie chart depicts the proportion of the population each group represents, and the table lists the percentages of each group that live in the cities and in the rural areas.

Overall, just under three-quarters of the population are natives, people born in the country. When lumped together, the other four nationalities explicitly listed make up only 13%. That is 1% less than all the groups which are not mentioned separately. Most citizens, regardless of national origin, live in cities.

In particular, the British are the largest segment of these minority groups, making up 7% of the population. The next largest, less than half that of the British, are the New Zealanders with 3%. That is about equal in size to the other two, the Chinese and the Dutch, taken together. These minority groups are even more concentrated in cities than the Australians; two out of ten of whom live outside an urban area. The Dutch come the closest in matching this distribution, with 83% in cities and 17% in the rural areas. The extreme is the Chinese; ninety-nine out of a hundred reside in a city.

Please review my IELTS task 1 essay. Thank you!

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