Please review my IELTS Task 1 Essay

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Topic: Please identify my mistakes and suggest some improvements.

My essay:

The chart compares the number of leisure time enjoyed by individuals based on their gender and employment status using data from 1998 to 1999.

Overall, the representation consists of two major peaks which account for unemployed and retired persons more than offsetting all other classes of people. On the contrary, full-time employed men and women attribute to the lowest bars on the entire bar chart.

First of all, males who are either unemployed or retired can relish just over 80 hours of leisure while their female counterparts are having just below 80 hours. Nonetheless, the number for male full-time job-holders is about 50, crossing the 40 hours mark which is for part-time working females. Surprisingly, males working part-time jobs have no leisure time at all.

With regards to the females performing full-time jobs, the figure is almost 38 hours, being the lowest of all of the trends. On the other hand, women who run household chores can get approximately 50 hours of leisure in a typical week.