Please Review My IELTS Task 1 Essay

Question

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The charts give information about the average household spending, which took place in Japan and Malaysia, in 2010. Overall, household in both countries spent the lowest for health care shown. While housing accounted for the largest proportion in Malaysia, Japanese household spent the highest for other goods and services.A mere 3% of expenditure in Malaysia is for health care, which was half the proportion in Japan (6%). Similarly, the percentage for transportation in Japan was 2 times as much as in Malaysia, 20% and 10% respectively.In Malaysia, housing comprised more than one thirds of total spending, which is the highest proportion. However, Japanese household spent 21% for this group, being lower by about 10% than in Malaysia. In terms of other goods and services, Japanese household spent the largest for this category, which accounted for 29%. This percentage is less in Malaysia seen (26%). Expenditure on food in Malaysia was higher slightly than in Japan, 27 and 24% in order.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The (what kind of chart? Bar chart? Gantt chart? Flow chart?) charts give information about (That is vague. It does not tell the reader what is on the charts.) the average household spending, ~~which took place~~ in Japan and Malaysia, in 2010. (When you change the topic from the figure to its content, you have to start a new paragraph.) (What are the spending categories? How many are shown? To have coherence and cohesion, you need to put this information in the first paragraph.)

Overall, household (incorrect.) in both countries spent the lowest for health care shown. (incorrect.) While housing accounted for the largest proportion in Malaysia, Japanese household spent the highest for other goods and services. (What are the other choices? The reader is confused. There is a lack of coherence.)

A mere 3% of expenditure in Malaysia is for health care, which was half the ~~proportion in~~ that of Japan (6%). Similarly, the percentage for transportation in Japan was ~~2 times~~ twice as much as in Malaysia, 20% and 10% respectively.

In Malaysia, housing comprised more than one thirds (incorrect.) of total spending, which is the highest proportion. However, Japanese household (incorrect.) spent 21% for this group, being lower by about 10% when compared with ~~than~~ in Malaysia. In terms of other goods and services, Japanese household (incorrect.) spent the largest for this category, which accounted for 29%. This percentage is less in Malaysia ~~seen~~ (26%). Expenditure on food in Malaysia was ~~higher~~ slightly higher than in Japan, 27 and 24% ~~in order~~.

There is not much coherence and cohesion in this essay.

If you want a sample essay, you may ask for one.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

The two pie charts, one for Japan and the other for Malaysia, compare average household spending in 2010, broken down into five categories: housing, transport, food, health care, and other.

Overall, Malaysians spent a disproportionately large percentage of their money on food and housing compared to the Japanese. But the budget for transport expenses was twice as much in Japan. The smallest category in both countries was health care.

In detail, Malaysian families allocated 61% of their budget to the top two categories, housing (34%) and food (27%). In Japan, these same two categories represented less than half, 45%. Most of that difference was due to housing, which was 13% less in Malaysia. Transportation was relatively more expensive in Japan, 20% compared to 10%. And this same 2:1 ratio applied also to health care, 6% in Japan versus 3% in Malaysia. The Japanese budgeted 3% less on food, but 3% more on other goods and services, so the total of these two categories was the same in both countries. It was more than half of the total expenditures (53%).

Please Review My IELTS Task 1 Essay

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions