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Hà Trần Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my IELTS task 1 essay

Task 1: Line Graph-The Graph Below Shows The Number Of Enquiries Received By The Tourist Information Office In One City Over A Six-Month Period In 2011.

My essay:

The chart illustrates how many enquiries being sent to the Tourist Information Office (TIO) in a particular city through 3 main means of communication from January to June in 2011.

Overall, it is noticeable that while the number of enquiries received by TIO via telephone and in person increased significantly, that referring to letter/mail declined. Furthermore, In person enquiries was the most common type of communication for the last 3 months compared to others.

As can be seen obviously, in the initial year, there were the least number of visitors choosing face-to-face enquiries to send, at about 400. However, several months later, people went straight to the office more than they used to be in the first year, surpassing that of letter and mail in between February and March and telephone a month later.

In contrast, both the number of enquiries given through letter/mail and telephone decreased slightly in the first month, from under 800 to about 700 and 900 to 800 respectively. However, people started choosing telephone to send the enquiries more after February, 200 enquiries more than the previous month and kept rising until June, at about 1900 enquiries at last after keeping instant for a month at 1000 people. On the other hand, The number of enquiries received by letter/mail still went down before standing at under 400 in the last two months.

  

Top answer

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line. Put it with your answer in the message body. Subject: Please review my IELTS essay Message body: Topic: The Graph Below Shows The Number Of Enquiries Received By The Tourist Information Office In One City Over A Six-Month Period In 2011.

  • Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
  • Put it with your answer in the message body.
  • Subject: Please review my IELTS essay Message body: Topic: The Graph Below Shows The Number Of Enquiries Received By The Tourist Information Office In One City Over A Six-Month Period In 2011.
  • Please copy all the instructions here so we can properly evaluate your task response.
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3 Answers
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Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:


Topic: The Graph Below Shows The Number Of Enquiries Received By The Tourist Information Office In One City Over A Six-Month Period In 2011. Please copy all the instruct

0

You wrote over 230 words. The minimum is 150. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons. First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors. Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points. Third, you will likely stray off-

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I have written pounds instead off dollar in writing task 1 how much marks do I loose or how much can I get from these silly mistakes?

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