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Question

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in the two years 1960 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts compare the distribution of employment in town A and town B between 1960 and 2010.

Overall, it is clear that employees in town A had a tendency to work in the manufacturing sector, meanwhile, sales positions became a popular trend in town B.

Regarding town A, in 1960, the percentage of workers in the sales sector and service sector accounted for 41% and 30%, respectively. After 50 years, these figures dramatically decreased by half. In contrast, the proportion of manufacturing workers showed an upward trend, which increased significantly from 29% in 1960 to 64% in 2010.

In town B, the proportion of sales workers still remained as the highest number over the period and experienced a sharp decline from 70% in 1960 to 53% in 2010. In contrast, the percentage of those who work in manufacturing increased significantly from one-tenth to a quarter over a 50-year period. There was a slight growth in the figure of service workers by 2%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The (How many of them?) pie charts compare the distribution of employment (Not a good description ) in town A and town B between 1960 and 2010. (Not good. "Between" is for line graphs and bar charts with continuous data. This has only two points in time. You did not tell the reader what the sectors are, or how many.)

Overall, ~~it is clear that~~ (Delete. Read my advice. Such dummy-it clauses have no information content.) employees in town A had a tendency to (Tendency is not good. It is not precise. It is vague.) work in the manufacturing sector, meanwhile, sales positions became a popular trend (wrong word. You can see trends on line graphs, not two points in time.) in town B.

Regarding town A, in 1960, the percentage of workers in the sales sector and service sector accounted for 41% and 30%, respectively. After 50 years, they had ~~these~~ figures (Do not use "figure". Read my advice. The pronoun is perfect here.) ~~dramatically~~ decreased by half. In contrast, the proportion of manufacturing workers ~~showed an~~ upward trend, (wrong word) ~~which~~ increased ~~significantly~~ from 29% in 1960 to 64% in 2010.

In town B, the proportion of sales workers still remained as the largest sector ~~highest number~~ (Wrong word. A number is 23,461 or 589. There are no numbers here, only percentages.) ~~over the period~~ (You have no information what happened in the years 1970, 1980, 1990, or any other intervening year.) and experienced (Read my advice. Percentages do not have experiences. Only people have experiences.) ~~a sharp decline~~ but had declined from 70% in 1960 to 53% in 2010. In contrast, the percentage of those who work in manufacturing increased ~~significantly~~ from one-tenth to a quarter ~~over a 50-year period.~~ There was a 2% rise ~~slight growth~~ in the ~~figure~~ percentage of service workers ~~by 2%.~~

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

The four pie charts, two for Town A and two for Town B, give a breakdown of their employment among three sectors of the economy (manufacturing, sales and services) in 1960 and 2010.

Overall, the charts show major changes to the patterns of employment in both towns. In Town A in 1960 there was no dominant sector, although sales was the largest. In the other three charts, one of the three sectors had a clear majority.

Town A developed from a diversified economy in 1960 to one dominated by manufacturing in 2010, with nearly two-thirds (64%) of the workforce. The other two sectors kept only half of the proportions they had in 1960, services falling from 30 to 16%, and sales, having about two-fifths of the workers in 1960, but only one-fifth fifty years later.

In contrast, the largest proportion of Town B's jobs in 1960 were in sales, with 70%. By 2010, manufacturing had more than doubled, from 10 to 25%, largely offset by the 17% reduction in sales. Services had gained 2%.

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