Please Review My IELTS Essay, Writing task 1, cambridge 11, test 3

Question

The line graph illustrates carbon dioxide emissions per head on an average in four different countries over the period from 1967 to 2007.

Overall, CO2 emissions released per person in United Kingdom was always the most compared to other countries while Portugish's carbon dioxide emissions stayed the lowest during the time surveyed. In addition, while United Kingdom and Sweden saw a decrease in CO2 emissions, the other two nations, Italy and Portugal experienced an increase in the amount of CO2 released over 40 years period.

From 1967 to 1977, the mean carbon dioxide gas per British person stayed the same, more than 10 metric tonnes. Meanwhile, there was a significant growth in the average CO2 emissions per head in 3 remaining countries. The data in Sweden and Italy went up by about 2 metric tonnes, made the average amount of CO2 gas released per person up to over 10 and 6 metric tonnes, respectively. The figure for Portugal also rose from 1 to approximately 2.5 metric tonnes.

The average CO2 emissions per person in Italy and Portugal increased gradually over 2 decades from 1977 to 1997 and remained the same in the next 10 years, at about 7.5 and more than 5 metric tonnes, respectively. Sweden experienced a remarkable fall in the CO2 gas produced per head from 1997 to 1987, to roughly 7 metric tonnes. This figure continuously declined in the remaining years, dropped to the lowest point, at above 5 metric tonnes in 2007, same with Portugal. There was also a continual reduction in carbon dioxide emissions in United Kingdom, to about 9 metric tonnes per person at the end of the period fr
om 1977 to 2007.

Poster · Accepted Answer

At 279 words, this might be too long for the twenty minutes available in the exam.

"per capita", and "mean" are useful paraphrases for "per person" and "average". The usual phrase is "on average", without the article.

-> mean carbon dioxide emissions per capita in four European countries ...

You can use ellipsis to reduce the verbage:

-> Overall, per capita CO2 emissions in the United Kingdom was always the highest in the group while Portugal's stayed the lowest. In addition, while United Kingdom and Sweden saw a decrease in CO2 emissions, the other two nations, Italy and Portugal experienced an increase in the tonnage of CO2 emitted.

The other possibility is to mention that the results converge toward the end of the period. Also that Sweden, ranked second at the start, ranked at the bottom of the table by the end of the period.

.... The data for Sweden and Italy went up by about 2 metric tonnes, bringing the average up to over 10 and 6 metric tonnes, respectively. The figure for Portugal also rose from 1 to approximately 2.5 metric tonnes.

The average CO2 emissions per person in Italy and Portugal increased gradually over 2 decades from 1977 to 1997 and remained the same in the next 10 years, at about 7.5 and more than 5 metric tonnes, respectively. Sweden experienced a remarkable fall in the CO2 gas produced per head from 1997 to 1987, to roughly 7 metric tonnes. This figure continuously declined in the remaining years, dropped to the lowest point, at above 5 metric tonnes in 2007, same with Portugal. There was also a continual reduction in carbon dioxide emissions in United Kingdom, to about 9 metric tonnes per person at the end of the period fr

om 1977 to 2007.

Whilst it is often a good idea to detail figures for a mid-point in addition to the opening and closing results, in this particular case only the Swedish peak really merits a mention. The instruction in IELTS is to select the main features. One approach is to organize the details to support the assertions in the overview.

Try doing a little simple math and using phrases such as:

after peaking in 1977 at just over 10 million tonnes, emissions in Sweden halved ....

emissions in Italy almost doubled ...

Generally, countries with "United" and "Republic" in their name need a definite article.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph ~~illustrates~~ plots the carbon dioxide emissions per head ( You can use "per capita" but not "per head". "per head" is used for farm animals like goats and cows and in special contexts like theater tickets.) on an average in four different countries over the period from 1967 to 2007. (Which countries?)

The first paragraph is not complete. Give the reader a mental image of the graph without giving particulars of the data itself.

These countries are: the UK, Portugal, Sweden and Italy. The units are in metric tonnes, and the Y-axis ranges from 0 to 12. The X-axis, time in years, is marked every ten years.

Overall, CO2 emissions released per person in the United Kingdom was always the most compared to other countries while Portugish's carbon dioxide emissions stayed the lowest during the time period. ~~surveyed~~. In addition, while United Kingdom and Sweden had/showed ~~saw~~ (Avoid anthropomorphic verbs in Task 1. These verbs are "see, witness, experience." These verbs are excellent for task 2 - descriptive writing and argumentation, but they are inappropriate for math or science essays. ) a decrease in CO2 emissions, the other two nations, Italy and Portugal experienced an increase in the amount of CO2 released over 40 years period.

(In order of my preference: the forty-year period / the period of forty years / the 40-year period / the period of 40 years. However, you described the time period in the first paragraph and need not repeat it in the body paragraphs.)

From 1967 to 1977, the mean carbon dioxide gas per British person stayed the same, more than 10 metric tonnes. Meanwhile, there was a significant growth in the average CO2 emissions ~~per head~~ in the three (Rule of essay writing: If a number is small, and not a data value, write it in words.) 3 remaining countries. The ~~data~~ amounts in Sweden and Italy went up by about 2 metric tonnes, made (making) the average amount of CO2 gas released per person ~~up to~~ just over 10 and 6 metric tonnes, respectively. ~~The figure for~~ And it also rose in Portugal from 1 to approximately 2.5 metric tonnes. (Avoid "figure" which is primarily used for financial reporting.)

The average CO2 emissions per person in Italy and Portugal increased gradually over the two decades from 1977 to 1997 and remained the same for the next 10 years, at about 7.5 and slightly more than 5 metric tonnes, (10 is more than 5; you must qualify values with adverbs when you use "more" and "less") respectively. On the other hand, emissions in Sweden were cut by nearly 50% from its peak in 1977 at about 10.3 to its lowest point at about 5.3 in 2007 when it was on a par with Portugal. experienced ~~a remarkable fall in the CO2 gas produced~~ (wrong word) ~~per head~~ from 1997 to 1987, to roughly 7 metric tonnes. This ~~figure~~ continuously declined in the remaining years, dropped to the lowest point, at above 5 metric tonnes in 2007, same with Portugal. There was also a continual reduction in carbon dioxide emissions in United Kingdom, to about 9 metric tonnes per person at the end of the period from 1977 to 2007.

Please Review My IELTS Essay, Writing task 1, cambridge 11, test 3

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