Please Review My IELTS Essay / Type: 2-Part Question
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Topic:
In some countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly in recent years. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?
My essay:
In several parts of the world, people are increasingly deciding to live alone. This trend happens because of many reasons of household finance and imbalance in gender, and I believe it is a negative trend for those individuals and society.
To begin with, there are some factors which lead to the fact that many people are choosing to live by themselves. First, as raising a family involves responsibilities and financial demands, individuals living on their own could certainly invest more time and effort in building their careers and earning better incomes before further planning for starting their family. Additionally, due to the current global gender imbalance, the woman shortage occurs in many countries such as China. As a result, the large number of males in these places who are unable to find their spouse would choose to live alone or migrate to other nations and compete with local men to have their partner.
I believe the bias towards living alone is negative because of some reasons. In terms of individuals, those living a solitary life tend to take care of themselves. Consequently, these people would have a hard life and suffer from loneliness and isolation. From the social point of view, living alone possibly results in a decreasing rate of marriage, which eventually leads to the reduction of birth rate and workforce in the future. From the government perspective, the trend of individuals living on their own could bring about the considerable rising rate of single-person households. This consequence causes higher demand for accommodation, healthcare, and other government benefits just for this type of household.
In conclusion, the preference for living alone results from several reasons of household financial stability and shortage of women, and I contend that this tendency is harmful to the development of individuals and human society.
(300 words)
Top answer
Though you might make a lot of effort to write this essay, I think that you do not really understand the topic. It's actually about the rapidly increasing number of people who choose to live by themselves in some countries. You should pay attention to the word "choose to" because that means people make their own decision to live alone.
- Though you might make a lot of effort to write this essay, I think that you do not really understand the topic.
- It's actually about the rapidly increasing number of people who choose to live by themselves in some countries.
- You should pay attention to the word "choose to" because that means people make their own decision to live alone.
- In your essay, however, I notice that one of the reasons for this trend is gender inequality.
- Frankly speaking, this "gender inequality" problem is caused by various issues, mostly from external factors such as socio-economic class, gender identity, geography, health status,...
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Though you might make a lot of effort to write this essay, I think that you do not really understand the topic.
It's actually about the rapidly increasing number of people who choose to live by themselves in some countries. You should pay attention to the word "choose to" because that means people make their own decision to live alone. In your essay, however, I notice that one of
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