Please review my IELTS essay - topic : space exploration
- : Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that allotting the financial resources into thriving technological breakthrough in outer space projects is worthy. From my point of view, despite distributing money into the space exploration is worthy to some extent, I believe that this fund could be used for others purposes .
To begin with, there are a range of justifications to advocate of investing in space exploration. The foremost rationale is that the environmental degradation such as global warming ,green house effects which comes the industrialization process mankind has been devoid of rare metals that can be found on other planets. It has been proved that these metals have been found in fragments of meteorites crashing the Earth ,illustrating the variety of them in the universe. Undoubtedly, a new planet found is a fecund land for human development to flourish again.
Despite the mentioned motivates for funding space explorations, I believe that is fails to cope with the roots of all problems. Firstly, investing the money in space journey which costs the large amount of money and just affords for the wealthy nations. In addition, the scarcity of metals and environment contamination of the Earth results from detrimental institution of people. For instance, if the people maintain their harmful practices in the new planet, they will eventually demolish the second home as they done with the Earth. So as to stop this circle, all the citizens need to raise their awareness about the vital role of environment and develop for the green technology when it still possible.
In conclusion, funding on the space exploration would help the residents to gain a lot of benefits in the future. On the contrary, I believed that contribute this fund on enhancing to the Earth‘s status is a more sustainable life style choice .
Top answer
Many of your sentences are not grammatical English. You are trying to write at an advanced level, but the result is not good. Simpler, understandable sentences are much better than complex ones at your level.
- Many of your sentences are not grammatical English.
- You are trying to write at an advanced level, but the result is not good.
- Simpler, understandable sentences are much better than complex ones at your level.
- You will get a higher score if your text is readable.
- It is argued that allotting the financial resources into thriving technological breakthrough (That is exceedingly awkward.
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Many of your sentences are not grammatical English. You are trying to write at an advanced level, but the result is not good. Simpler, understandable sentences are much better than complex ones at your level. You will get a higher score if your text is readable.
It is argued that allotting the financial resources into thriving techn
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