Please review my IELTS essay- topic salary

Topic:

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

Many people choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered. While I do not agree that money is the key consideration when deciding a job. Other factors are equally important.

On the one hand, many people think that the salary plays a necessary factor to choose a job because it can meet their needs. We all need money to pay the bills, education, housing and health care. Therefore, most people consider it a priority at least to earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If many people choose their jobs based on enjoyment and non-profit factors, it may lead to living uncomfortable and unconvenient . Artists and musicians, for example, are known for choosing a career path that they love, but does not always provide them to live comfortably.

On the other hand, other considerations are as important as what we earn in our jobs. First, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are extremely important. Having a good manager and friendly colleagues, for example, can make a huge difference workers' levels of happiness and general quality of life. Second, many people 's feeling of job satisfaction come from their professional achievemnts, the skills they learn and the position they reach, rather than the money they earn. In addition, many people choose their careers just simply want to help the sections of poorer or contribute something positive to society.

In conclusion, salaries certainly affect people's choice of career, but I believe that money outweighs all other motivators.

Many thanks!

Nguyen Quy