Please review my IELTS essay thanks ;3

Question

The graph below shows the number of passenger (in milions) took their journey by 3 railway systems (National rail network,London Underground and Light rail and metro systems) in Great Britain from 1950 to 2004/5.

Overall,the number of passenger of the National rail network and the London Underground fluctuated.However,the passenger of the Light rail and metro systems showed an upward trend.

The passengers of the National rail network and the London Underground had quite equivalent fluctuation.Both dropped drastically in the 80s but then reached their peak in the 90s at the same time.But the National rail network's highest peak was in 60s and the London Underground was in the 90s.

The passengers only started going by the Light rail and metro systems in the 60s.The number gradually went down from the 60s to the 80s then went up rapidly in the middle of the 80s and the 90s and was stable from now on.

p/s : could i write my essay in a piece of paper then post on the forum?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your writing is not well organized. Read my advice. Write three paragraphs.

The graph ~~below~~ shows the number of passenger (wrong form) (in milions) (wrong spelling - copy the units correctly!) took their journey (Ungrammatical clause) by 3 (do not use digits for small numbers. You can use digits for data values.) railway systems (National rail network,London (spacing error) Underground and Light rail and metro systems) in Great Britain from 1950 to 2004/5.

Overall,the number of passenger of the National rail network and the London Underground fluctuated.However,the ("Fluctuated" is incorrectly used. Read my advice. Put a space between words!) passenger of the Light rail and metro systems showed an upward trend.

The passengers of the National rail network and the London Underground had quite equivalent fluctuation.Both ("Fluctuated" is incorrectly used. Read my advice. People do not fluctuate! People can think, walk, run, and talk, but they do not fluctuate!) dropped drastically (Read my advice. Do not use "drama" words in math/science writing.) in the 80s (1980s) but then reached their peak (Read my advice about the word "peak". You have not used it correctly.) in the 90s at the same time.But the National rail network's highest peak was in 60s and the London Underground was in the 90s.

The passengers only started going by the Light rail and metro systems in the 60s.The number gradually went down from the 60s to the 80s then went up rapidly in the middle of the 80s and the 90s and was ~~stable~~ (wrong word) constant from now ("Now" is 2022. That year and later years are not on this graph.) on.

Learn the word "stable" and its opposite "unstable".

This bridge does not look stable. You can fall off easily.

Please review my IELTS essay thanks ;3

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