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Mytram Posted 4 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my IELTS essay thanks

Spending more time on cultural activities may necessary for youngsters , however it doesn't mean that they should spend less time on sport.

Today we live in a technologically developed world, so people, especially youngsters, spend more leisure time using technological gadgets or browsing the internet, leading to spending less time on other activities like sport or cultural activities. That's why spending more time on physical activities is essential .

Both of them is good for health and social and cultural life. Exercising gives health benefits, for instance, decrease the chance of having a stroke, increase cardiologic strength, and help the immune system function better. As for spending time on cultural activities , youngsters will have a chance to connect with the others, be more open-hearted, dynamic and inventive, gain more knowledge about their country's culture, which is important since the twenty-first century is the time for modernisation and globalisation, people are having an enormous distance from the traditional culture. So to summarize, both are important for youngsters privately and for all people generally.

In conclusion , young people may spend more time on cultural activities but they shouldn't ignore exercising entirely , instead of that , they should balance the time spending on those activities.

  

Top answer

Spending more time on cultural activities may (May is a helping verb. ) necessary for youngsters (Youngster is a very casual word. It means children between 7 and 12 years old.

  • Spending more time on cultural activities may (May is a helping verb.
  • ) necessary for youngsters (Youngster is a very casual word.
  • It means children between 7 and 12 years old.
  • It is generally not good for essays.
  • ) mean that they should spend less time on sport.
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1 Answers
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Spending more time on cultural activities may (May is a helping verb. Where is the main verb?) necessary for youngsters (Youngster is a very casual word. It means children between 7 and 12 years old. It is generally not good for essays. "Young people" means people who are 18-25, not children 7-12.)

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