Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you.

Question

The table below shows the percentage of adults in urban and rural areas who took part in four free-time activities in 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information and compare where relevant, by selecting and reporting the key features. You should write at least 150 words.

	1990	1990	2010	2010
	Urban	Rural	Urban	Rural
Reading	61	71	78	78
Animated play	10	18	10	14
Playing	21	26	14	26
Photography	7	14	17	24

Answer:

The given table depicts the proportion of adults live in urban and rural areas who participated in four leisure activities from 1990 to 2010.

It is noticeable that the percentage of people doing reading in urban areas is the highest as well as in rural areas over the period of 11 years while the proportion of adults who spent time playing animated and photographing has exchanged the lowest position for each other.

Reading activities account for the highest percentage in both areas which are witnessed at 61% and 71% then both of them significantly increased to 78% in 2010. Meanwhile, the percentile of adults in urban areas who took part in photography in 1990 was just 7% compared to rural areas was double to 14%. However, the percentage of people who joined photography activities has remarkably increased in both areas respectively 17% and 24%.

In comparison, in 1990, animated play activities attracted the attention of 10% of adults in urban areas, and remain unchanged after 11 years while there were 18% of rural residents interested in this one but decreased to 14% at the end of the period. Besides that, the proportion of urban people who spent time playing was 21% and went down to 14% in 2010 while the percentile of rural adults remained steady at 26%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You wrote 215 words, while the minimum is 150.

You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, you are likely writing about everything, rather than following the instructions and picking out only the significant points. This will cost you points.

Third, you will take a lot of the limited time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fourth, you will not have enough time to devote to Task 2, and get a lower score there. Task 2 counts twice as much for your overall score.
Aim to write 170-190 words for Task 1.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The ~~given~~ (unnatural) table depicts (poor word choice) the percentage ~~proportion~~ (The units of measure are percentages.) of adults live (wrong form - ungrammatical) in urban and rural areas who participated in four leisure activities in two different years, ~~from~~ 1990 to and 2010. (There are two distinct time points, not a continuous period.)

~~It is noticeable that~~ (Avoid these useless dummy-it clauses. They add words, but no information. Read my advice.) the percentage of people doing reading ~~in urban areas~~ is the highest regardless of where they live or which year it is. ~~as well as in rural areas over the period of 11 years~~ (Incorrect. There is no period.) while the proportion of adults who spent time playing animated (wrong phrase) and photographing has exchanged the lowest position (poor English - it makes no sense.) for each other.

(In 1990, the least favorite pastime was photography, but that changed to animated play in 2010.)

Rural people participated more in these activities, regardless of the time or type of activity.

in 1990, reading activities have ~~account for the~~ highest percentages in both areas, ~~which are witnessed~~ (poor word choice. Read my advice.) at 61% for urbanites / city dwellers and 71% for those in the countryside. (You need to define the areas.) ~~then both of them~~ They ~~significantly~~ increased to 78% in 2010 for both groups.. Meanwhile, the percentile (wrong word. Percentile is not the same as percent. It is a different measure) of adults in urban areas who did photography ~~took part in photography~~ in 1990 was just 7% compared to ~~rural areas was double~~ (ungrammatical. You cannot put a full clause as the object of a preposition.) to 14% for the other group.. However, this hobby became more popular, increasing to ~~the percentage of people who joined photography activities~~ (unnatural - also for coherence and cohesion, you have to use pronouns.) ~~has remarkably~~ i~~ncreased in both areas respectively~~ 17% and 24%, respectively..

In comparison, in 1990, animated play activities attracted the attention of (not a good synonym) 10% of adults in urban areas, and ~~remain unchanged after 11 years~~ while there were 18% of rural residents interested in this one (unnatural) but decreased to 14% at the end of the period. (There is no period. You have no data for the years in between.)Besides that, the proportion of urban people who spent time playing was 21% and went down to 14% in 2010 while the percentile of rural adults remained steady at 26%.

Most of your writing is not natural English.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you.

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