Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you!
The table illustrates the proportion of children confronting particular educational issues in two primary schools between 2005 and 2015.
Overall, the percentage of students facing educational problems in school A decreased significantly while the figure of school B increased sharply over an interval of 10 years.
Regarding school A, the number of students having issues with reading ability was the lowest figure in 2005. The year 2015 saw a minimal increase of 1% in the children with the problem of reading. Children having difficulty with handwriting levelled off at 28% over 10 years. In addition, ones facing spelling, listening skills, verbal expression of ideas, concentration in lessons and following instructions issues underwent declines of 5% to 24%.
Turning to school B, concentration in lessons was the most popular problem in 2005, it remained stable in 2015 together with handwriting at 15% and 7% respectively. The proportion of children encountering spelling and following instructions doubled over the course of 10 years. Meanwhile, the percentage of students with reading ability, listening skills and verbal expression of ideas underwent a slight rise of 1% from 2005 to 2015.
It's hard to paraphrase 'the percentage of children facing problems' when i have to use this phrase a lot in the essay. Could you give me some advice for this problem? Thank you!
Top answer
The table illustrates (wrong verb) lists the proportion percentage of children who have confronting particular learning challenges, such as reading, writing and ability to concentrate educational issues in two primary schools (A and B) in between (wrong preposition. Between X and Y is used when you have data in between the two values) ) 2005 and 2015. Overall, the percentages (You told the reader what is being reported.
- The table illustrates (wrong verb) lists the proportion percentage of children who have confronting particular learning challenges, such as reading, writing and ability to concentrate educational issues in two primary schools (A and B) in between (wrong preposition.
- Between X and Y is used when you have data in between the two values) ) 2005 and 2015.
- Overall, the percentages (You told the reader what is being reported.
- ) of students facing educational problems in school A decreased significantly while the figure (wrong word) those in of school B increased sharply.
- (You gave the time period.
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The table illustrates (wrong verb) lists the proportion percentage of children who have confronting particular learning challenges, such as reading, writing an
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