Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you.

Topic: Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

My essay:

It is believed that the way students behave in educational institutions is deteriorating. This essay attempts to shed light on driving factors behind this tendency before clarifying its repercussions on children’s future and community, as well as outline several feasible solutions to tackle this problem.

The dominant causes leading to the worsening of children’s behaviors these days correlate to family background and school rules. First and foremost, the role of parents in children’s cognitive development is crucial as children tend to listen and follow parents’ actions. That is why children whose parents are negligent may create bad discipline by conducting towards their parents’ behaviors. As a result, misbehave children seem to hardly get on well with others in the future. In addition, students tend to disrespect and underestimate school’s rules. An instance for this problem is that even though not being allowed to wear make-up and jewelry at school, female students against the rules in order to stand out and be original. Hence, it causes the distraction of studying and even leads to more negative consequences such as bullying and being entangled in social evils if students’ school rules consciousness impaired.

To combat this worrying problems, the contribution and cooperation of family and school is necessary. Firstly, father and mother should be involved in their kids’ education. Parents need to keep a close eye on their children to assist them establish good attitude and actions as well as provide appropriate advice and orientations when necessary. Secondly, school should administer punishments as deterrent to naughty students. Removing problematic students offers an immediate solution to discipline problem. Not only does it help other students will not suffer because of classroom disruption or school bullying but also provide special support to rebellious students away from class.

In conclusion, misbehaving is deteriorating in schools, and the above measures should be implemented to deal with this concerning issue.