Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you!

Question

The table compares how the registration of five different kinds of vehicles in Australia changed in three years 2010, 2012, 2014.

Overall, the number of vehicles in five categories had upward trends. In addition, passenger vehicles remained the highest throughout the years, while the registration of motorcycles significantly increased in the given period.

In 2010, there were 11,800,000 passenger vehicles registered, which was higher by a factor of five than commercial ones. Motorcycles and heavy trucks were considerably lower at 540,000 and 384,000 respectively. Light trucks were least registered with only 106,000 trucks.

In the next four years, passengers as well as commercial vehicles gradually grew by about one to three million in the double consecutive two-year-periods. The registration of light trucks continued to be the lowest; however, the increase percentage was high with 23,50%. The most striking point was motorcycles reached the highest number of being registered, at 30,80% when heavy trucks had the smallest rise of 8,3%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table compares how the registration of five different kinds of vehicles in Australia changed (That is not accurate. If a registration changes, the process or application form was different. This is numbers, or counts of registered vehicles.) in three years 2010, 2012, 2014.

Overall, the number of vehicles

Overall, the number of vehicles in five categories (The reader is confused. You mentioned kinds of vehicles and not you write categories. It is very poor cohesion and coherence.) had upward trends. In addition, passenger vehicles 9You never mentioned the five types. Poor cohesion and coherence.) remained the highest throughout the years, while the registration of motorcycles significantly increased ~~in the given period.~~

In 2010, there were 11,800,000 passenger vehicles registered, which was higher by a factor of five than commercial ones. Motorcycles and heavy trucks were considerably less ~~lower~~ at 540,000 and 384,000 respectively. Light trucks had the smallest number of registrations ~~were least registered~~ with only 106,000 trucks. (You do not need a new paragraph.)

In the next four years, passengers (wrong form) as well as commercial vehicles gradually grew by about one to three million in the double consecutive (unnatural - I have no idea what this means.) two-year-periods. The registration of light trucks continued to be the lowest; however, the increase percentage (poor English - wrong word order) was high with 23,50%. (The reader is confused. You never told them that there were any percentages in the table.) The most striking point was motorcycles reached (ungrammatical. You cannot put a full clause as the complement of the verb "was") the highest number of being registered, at 30,80% when heavy trucks had the smallest rise of 8,3%.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

The table lists the number of registered vehicles in Australia at three different points of time, 2010, 2012 and 2014. There are five categories: passenger vehicles, commercial vehicles, motorcycles, heavy trucks and light trucks..

Overall, the greatest number of registrations were for passenger vehicles, more than five times as many as the second place category, commercial vehicles, and ten times that of the smallest category, light trucks. The rank order of the categories did not change.

In total, Australia had over 15 million registered vehicles in 2010 and 17 million in 2014. Every category increased, with percentage changes over the four years ranging from 8 to 31 percent. In 2010, there were 11.8 million passenger cars and that went up to 13 million, or 10.2%. However, that was the second smallest increase of all types. Only heavy trucks had a smaller gain, 8.3%, from 384 to 416 thousand. There were over a half million motorcycles registered in 2010, and their numbers went up by nearly 31%, ending at 709 thousand.

Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you!

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