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Minh Ho Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

With the fast-paced development of technology, the communication ways has changed significantly In the society, there is the existence of may diferent ways of interaction. Personally, I believe this leads to both advantages and disadvantages for people.

In my opinion, there are two main methods of communication. First, Face to face interaction is a normal and traditional way. The good examples can be the conversations in real life or some chit chat in the coffee shop. The other is virtual interaction, which becomes more and more prevalent these days. The advances of technology make it easier than ever to keep in touch with anybody all over the globe

This development brings about a host of benefits. Online communication enhances the efficiency in several industrial sectors. For example, when a multinational company expands its divisions to many destinations, there is a need of communication between the branches with the headquarter. Rather than traveling a long distance for a face to face meeting, they are able to maintain the weekly meeting via video conferencing. This solution contributes to cost and time savings.

Besides, people can make use of Internet to expand the social circles. In order to connect people together, many appliances were born to meet this demand. People have access to more opportunities to build relationship with other, which is extremely beneficial to many kind of profession, especially salesman.

However, over-reliance on online interaction might lead to some problems. Isolation with society is the first consequence. Many adolescents have the tendency of living a virtual life. They devote most of their time in front of the Internet-connected devices and can keep the eyes glue to screen. As a result, the family circles are negatively affected as online communication discourages real interaction. The second issue is cyber bullying. Social media users create clones feel like they have the freedom to speak up their mind without thinking carefully. Harmful bullying behaviors on digital spaces under the form of rumors, threats or sexual harassment cause depression or even anxiety disorder among victims.

In conclusion, the digital revolution has changed the method people interact in both negative and positive way. If people can make use of this development in the right way, the society would become a better place.

  

Top answer

) the communication ways has changed (The subject does not match the verb. ) significantly I n (incorrect capital) the societ y, (Comma splice error, ungrammatical) there is the existence of may (wrong word) diferent (spelling error) ways of interaction. Personally, I believe this leads to both advantages and disadvantages for people.

  • ) the communication ways has changed (The subject does not match the verb.
  • ) significantly I n (incorrect capital) the societ y, (Comma splice error, ungrammatical) there is the existence of may (wrong word) diferent (spelling error) ways of interaction.
  • Personally, I believe this leads to both advantages and disadvantages for people.
  • Be careful in writing your opening sentence.
  • It gives the reader the first impression of your writing.
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With the fast-paced development of technology, (This does not make sense.) the communication ways has changed (The subject does not match the verb. Ungrammatical.) significantly In (incorrect capital) the society, (Comma spl

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