Please review my IELTS essay (task 2). Thank you!

Topic:

The tradition that the family gets together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

My essay:

There has been a concern posing the fact that family dinner is disappearing and no longer a daily routine for some people. There are some reasons that lead to this unwanted trend and it also pose detrimental impact on the young adults. In this essay, causes and effects will be discussed.

There are two main sources of reasons why family mealtime is becoming a thing of the past in recent years. First, this may stem from the fact that many young adults nowadays can hardly make room for other activities besides school time. Students are being demanded for higher loads of knowledge as well as participating in extra-curriculum activities. However, some argue that it is not only the demand from schools that deprives them of valuable time with family. This can be resulted from an inappropriate way to bring up kids in this technology-driven world. Instead of teaching children how important it is to spend time with their relatives whenever possible, parents are letting the kids being occupied by TV and internet usage during mealtime.

The impacts are very obvious to some extent. Family life can be disturbed by such carelessness from both parents and children. Mealtime is usually the only time that members of a family can gather around for sharing each other’s story and this means a lot in keeping a close relationship and understanding among members. Not only that, family mealtime can be a good practice for parents to keep an eye on their kids’ diets. This can be a vital key in a child’s health and eating habits.

In conclusion, for many reasons, family members sitting around for a meal is no longer a common in present days and this poses a lot of negative impacts not only on kids’ health but also behaviors and awareness of the importance of family life.