Please review my IELTS essay (task 2). Thank you!

Topic:

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

There are lots of people in need of others’ help but it is impossible for one to cover everyone in the world. Therefor, some argue that we should only worry about our local society or country and not people from other continents. While I think it is necessary to take care of people around us first, it is also our responsibility to help others no matter where they are whenever possible.

Firstly, it is important for everyone to take notice of people closest to us. They can be our relatives, friends, neighbors or others in our small society. For instance, we could offer a neighbor a hand to fix his or her fences after a traumatized car accident or we can provide homeless people near our neighborhood with blankets and essentials. Secondly, it is much easier to reach out for those in need in our own cities or countries regards of distance and convenience. It can be an hour drive to the nearest orphanage house to teach or play with the unprivileged kids. How can anyone help people from other countries if he or she is not willing to do a favor for people staying right by their sides?

However, it is of great necessity for us to find ways to help the unfortunate from all around the world. People from other communities may be in greater suffer if no one actually notice and take care of. For example, citizens from those poor countries in the middle of Africa have no access to clear water or food which can result in high death rate. Governments from other rich countries should reach out and offer help to build water purifying systems or irrigation systems to sustain the water and food sources.

In conclusion, it is our responsibility and duty to help others in our own capability. However, there should be no limit or discrimination in our acts of help.