Please review my IELTS essay Task 2
Please help me review my essay below and give me an estimated band core that I can get from the essay. Thank you so much~
Topic:
Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
There are several experts hold a view that extra economic growth in developed countries is not able to bring more happiness to its inhabitants. In my opinion, I believe that either economic wealth or other factors do play a significant role in determining happiness.
On the one hand, more wealth can not be synonymous with leading to more satisfaction, which is likely to depend on a range of factors regarding feelings of people. Several countries with higher levels of economic development, such as Greece, Australia, and the United State, regularly record high rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. Thus, in certain levels of wealth, the additional benefits of increased income and material possessions might be negligible, and even be outweighed by adverse effects of the rise in stress and workload.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that wealth makes an important contribution to striving for happiness. Obviously, poverty and financial insecurity can raise a number of detrimental impacts on our mental health, leading to the feelings of hopelessness and despair. Therefore, if growing prosperity of a nation is sustained, especially in advanced countries in which its citizens pay more attention to public services provided, it can offer better opportunities of education, healthcare, and protection to all inhabitants. In other words, increased wealth can provide a sense of security and stability that is vital for overall satisfaction.
In conclusion, I am most insistent that both additional economic growth and other valuable factors consisting of security and stability should be considered equally in establishing happiness in any country.
(260 words)
Top answer
[ 1 ] There are several experts hold a view Some people say that extra economic growth in developed countries is not able likely to bring more happiness to its [ 2 ] their inhabitants. In my opinion, [ 3 ] I mostly agree with that because I believe that either economic wealth or other factors , apart from wealth, do play a significant role in determining happiness. On the one hand, more wealth can is not be always synonymous with leading to more satisfaction .
- [ 1 ] There are several experts hold a view Some people say that extra economic growth in developed countries is not able likely to bring more happiness to its [ 2 ] their inhabitants.
- In my opinion, [ 3 ] I mostly agree with that because I believe that either economic wealth or other factors , apart from wealth, do play a significant role in determining happiness.
- On the one hand, more wealth can is not be always synonymous with leading to more satisfaction .
- , which is likely to depend on This is because there is a range of factors that determine individual satisfaction.
- regarding feelings of people .
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[ 1] There are several experts hold a view Some people say that extra economic growth in developed countries is not able likely to bring more happiness to its [ 2] their inhabitants. In my opinion,
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