Please review my IELTS essay task 2

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Topic:Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.To what extent do you agree or disagree?Essay:The market industry has undergone immense changes due to the rapid globalization and industrialization. With the drastic increase in the number of hypermarkets, some exponents posit the view that this growth will contribute to the vanishing of local public. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this statement. It goes without saying that the presence of supermarkets aids customers greatly in buying goods. This is because markets are not only stocked with a diversity of choices but also offer affordable prices for the same product. Consequently, buyers are able to choose according to their needs. For example, international cosmetics can be easily bought from big retail stores whereas small shops mainly sell local ones. Therefore, these big shops are ideal places for beauticians and women. In other words, consumers , who are in need of such products , hugely benefited from this development and change. In addition to the diversity of products, shopping centers offer many amenities such as cinemas, restaurants. In these facilities, consumers get to experience a whole new world of shopping, from building constructors to staff, all different compared to local markets. For instance, entering a supermarket, shoppers will be greeted with friendly staff and consultors. These people are of great assistance which can help customers greatly in choosing their needs. Therefore, even if small businesses die, local communities will not suffer as there are alternatives available for them. In conclusion, despite the disappearance of some local marketplaces, my opinion is crystal clear that the development of new shopping centers contributes greatly to local communities life. With a variety of choices and novel experiences, the quality of life of local people will change for the positive.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Viet Nguyen QuocDue to the development and rapid expansion of the supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.

The market industry (wrong phrase) has undergone immense changes due to the rapid globalization and industrialization. (that is not the topic. The topic is about large chains of national stores supplanting small family-run businesses. It may be indirectly related to international supply chains, but that is not the focus of this topic.) With the drastic increase in the number of hypermarkets, some exponents (An exponent is a mathematical term. In the term "x-squared", the exponent is 2. In the term "x-cubed", the exponent is 3) posit the view that this growth will contribute to the vanishing of local public. (No, it will not kill all the people. businesses should not kill their customers, should they?) ~~From my perspective,~~ ("disagree" is a perspective, so this phrase is redundant. Delete it.) I totally disagree with this statement.

~~It goes without saying that~~ the presence of supermarkets aids customers greatly in buying goods. This is because markets are not only stocked with a diversity of choices but also offer affordable prices ~~for the same product~~. Consequently, buyers are able to choose according to their needs. For example, international cosmetics can be easily bought from big retail stores whereas small shops mainly sell local ones. Therefore, these big shops are ideal places for beauticians and women. In other words, consumers , who are in need of such products , hugely benefited (wrong form) from this development and change.

In addition to the diversity of products, shopping centers offer many amenities such as cinemas, restaurants. (ungrammatical. missing conjunction. ) In these facilities, consumers get to experience a whole new world of shopping, from building constructors to staff, (I do not understand this) all different compared to local markets. For instance, entering a supermarket, shoppers will be greeted by ~~with~~ friendly staff and consultors. (wrong word) These people are of great assistance as they ~~which~~ can help customers greatly in choosing their needs. (wrong word) Therefore, even if small businesses die, local communities will not suffer as there are alternatives available for them.

(You did not understand this task. It is not about the possibility of buying things and it is not about the advantages of superstores. It is about the cohesiveness and culture of a small village or town. For example, a small business may invest in the local school or park and children's sports teams. People gather and discuss local issues in small shops, and that is where they make life-long friendships. Small businesses give summer jobs to the local youth. The owners know the parents, since the parents are shoppers. Large, impersonal superstores do not foster the spirit of a community. )

In conclusion, despite the disappearance of some local marketplaces, my opinion is crystal clear that the development of new shopping centers contributes greatly to the local communities ~~life~~. With a variety of choices and novel experiences, the quality of life of local people will change for the positive.

Please review my IELTS essay task 2

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