Please review my IELTS essay - Task 2!

Topic: Too much education is dangerous. If people receive more education than they need to function in their job, it only breeds dissatisfaction.

Here is my essay with the assistance of tutor, please feel free to give me feedback!

Currently, the idea that if people perceive high education then they need to function in their job, it is only a source of dissatisfaction arouses enormous controversy among the general public. Attitudes towards this issue vary greatly. As far as I am concerned, the arguments on both sides of such a view need to be examined carefully.

People standing for the view above should have their own reasons, one of which could be that those high-educated individuals are unwilling to work in a casual environment, without completely suited ability, with a medium salary. It is totally different with a desire of have a great job after a long-time study and this usually leads to a disappointment. Another argument which should be taken into account is that there would be more redundancies in corporations due to the increasing number of young intellectual generations who will eliminate the aged employee and this incident is always rooted in envies among members in a company. Finally, and perhaps most noticeably, there are many indicators that derive from ambitious individuals caused the negative feeling when they can not achieve their dream.

However, looking at the issue in the long term, such a view may not be true in several cases. To begin with, many opponents could argue that education is a process of cultivated knowledge. The more we study, the more cognitive achievement we have, and it will be our success in future. One further justification which proves to be quite reasonable is that well-educated parents create good education and they are a model of virtues and talents. Lastly, evidence against this view is found in research which shows that knowledge is power. A country having a low rate of illiteracy is a developed and thriving nation.

For the above-mentioned points, it is obvious that although there are certain circumstances when such a view may be true, I am convinced that determining which side of the issue to stand for is by no means an easy task for everybody. Notwithstanding, from my own perspective, I am opposed to the assumption above. It is important to understand the positive aspects of high education should not be ignored.