Please review my IELTS essay- Task 1- Education.

Question

Topic: The table below shows the results of surveys in 2005, 2010 and 2015 about McGill University.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.My essay:The table presents the ratio of learners having good responses to various factors of McGill University.It can be observed from the table that different factors have different trends of the ratio of good responses. Meanwhile, the ratio of good responses has remained unchanged or has been nearly constant in the cases of “teaching quality”, “library resources”, and “sports and social facilities”, it has increased or decreased significantly in the cases of “students services”, and “range of modules offered”.Although having different trends, the strongest and weakest factors have been stable. Particularly, “library resources” ranked first in 2005, and 2010, and ranked second in 2015, whereas “range of modules offered” was the worst in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

thaoincosThe table presents the ratio of learners having good responses to various factors of McGill University.

Presents - not a good verb here. Read my advice.

Ratio- wrong word. See notes below.

Learners - inappropriate word for university-level students.

various factors - wrong expression. What are these and how many are there?

Ratio:

It is not described in my advice because few students use it in essays. A ratio is expressed by two numbers - a:b. It represents the relative representation of two different items in a given population.

For example:

The ratio of teachers to students in private schools (1:8) is better than in public schools. (1:25). Private school students get much more personal attention.

The number of male engineering professors in universities is higher than females. A ratio of 9:1 is common.

The ratio of the number of males and females in a society is the gender ratio. At birth, more males than females are born; on a global average, the ratio is 105:100, but it can be as high as 109:100 in certain countries.

Ratio is also common in gearing systems.

The gear ratio on mountain bikes varies from 50:11 (for flat riding) to 34:32 (for climbing steep hills.)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your essay is less than 120 words The minimum is 150. You will lose points for not writing enough.

Use "trend" for line graphs. Tables and bar charts only show limited time points. You cannot see any trend for just a few points.

You did not clearly indicate the "main features."

~~It can be observed from the table that~~ Delete - these are extraneous words. different factors have different trends of the ratio (wrong word. The values are percentages.) of good responses. Meanwhile, the ratio of good responses has remained unchanged or has been nearly constant in the cases of “teaching quality”, “library resources”, and “sports and social facilities”, it has increased or decreased significantly in the cases of “students services”, and “range of modules offered”.

Although having different trends, the strongest and weakest (not good vocabulary words here.) factors have been stable. (not a good word. - constant.) Particularly, “library resources” ranked first in 2005, and 2010, and ranked second in 2015, whereas “range of modules offered” was the worst in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

Please review my IELTS essay- Task 1- Education.

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