Please review my IELTS essay task 1

Question

Topic: The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.My essay:The table reveals the proportion of consumer expenditure on various categories from several countries in 2002.With regards to food, drinks, and tobacco, Turkey was in the lead with roughly 32 percent and had the highest rate in leisure and education simultaneously with 4.35 percent. Meanwhile, consumers in Italy spend most of their money on clothing and footwear, which occupied 9 percent and took over Turkey to be at the top of the list in this factor.In contrast, the consumer expense in Sweden had the lowest rate in not only food, drinks, tobacco but also clothing and footwear with approximately 16 percent and 6 percent respectively. However, Sweden occupied roughly 3 percent in leisure and education to end up in second place, while Spanish only had almost 2 percent, which was the smallest percentage in the consumer expenditure in this category.It is clear that food, drinks, and tobacco overwhelmed other factors with almost threefold higher percent at the expense of consumers while leisure and education had the smallest spending in 2002.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. In the "vocabulary words" I explain why you have used "rate" incorrectly.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

You need to organize your essay better. Do not write a conclusion paragraph in Task 1. You must write a conclusion paragraph in Task 2.

The length of your essay was very good: 170 words.

The table compares / gives / lists ~~reveals~~ the proportion of consumer expenditure on three ~~various~~ ("various" is not exact. Count them. Use the actual number!) categories (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear and leisure/education) ~~from several~~ ("several" is vague and imprecise. Count them. Use the actual number! Then tell the reader their names.) in five countries (Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey) in 2002.

With regards to food, drinks, and tobacco, Turkey ~~was in the lead~~ (That is for races. This is not a race) with roughly 32 percent and had the highest rate (wrong word. There are no rates in this table.) in leisure and education simultaneously (wrong word. ) with 4.35 percent. Meanwhile, consumers in Italy spend (When you choose a verb tense to use, be consistent throughout the entire essay.) most of their money (That is incorrect. The Italians spent more on Food than they did on Clothing.) on clothing and footwear, which occupied (wrong word) 9 percent and took over (That is for races. This is not a race) Turkey to be at the top of the list in this factor. (wrong word)

In contrast, the consumer expense (wrong word) in Sweden had the lowest rate (wrong word) in not only food, drinks, tobacco but also clothing and footwear with approximately 16 percent and 6 percent respectively. However, Sweden occupied (wrong word) roughly 3 percent in leisure and education to end up in second place, while Spanish only had almost 2 percent, which was the smallest percentage in the consumer expenditure in this category.

~~It is clear that~~ food, drinks, and tobacco overwhelmed (wrong word. This is an emotional word. Use neutral, objective vocabulary words in Task 1) other factors (wrong word) with almost threefold higher percent at the expense of (wrong phrase ) consumers while the amounts spent for leisure and education were the smallest. ~~had the smallest spending in 2002~~. (Do not repeat the year if there is only one time and you write it in the first paragraph.)

Useful words for this essay:

Turks - people of Turkey
the Irish - people of Ireland
Spaniards - people of Spain (also the Spanish)
Swedes - people of Sweden
Italians - people of Italy

outlier - a data value that is significantly different than the others. It stands out.

Essay for study purposes. This essay is longer than ideal, but gives some vocabulary words to describe a table in mathematical terms.

Organization:

Paragraph 1: Describe the table and the headings.
Paragraph 2: Write 2 or 3 main observations.
Paragraph 3: Write some interesting details.

Note that in paragraph 2, I added the total percentages for two countries, Turkey and Sweden. They were the highest and lowest. Also, I compared the categories by the average expenditures..

The table compares the percentages of total spending that people in five different countries allocated to three budget categories (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear and leisure/education) in the year 2002. The countries listed are Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.

Overall, spending was consistently highest in the category "food, drink and tobacco" and lowest for "leisure and education." Turkish people spent a greater percentage of their total spending on these three categories compared to the other four countries, about 43%, while Swedes spent the least, 14%. That is a threefold difference. The average expenditure of all five countries in the Clothing/Footwear category, 6.8%, was more than twice that of Leisure and Education (2.9%). but about one-third of Food, Drink and Tobacco (22%).

While Turkish people spent the most for food, drink and tobacco, 32.14%, the Irish came in second at 28.91%. The percentages for Italy, Spain, and Sweden were 16.36%, 18.8%, and 15.77% respectively. Spending on the other two categories was a small fraction of the total. Leisure / education was consistently under 5%, with Turkey having the highest value at 4.35%. And that was slightly lower than clothing and footwear, which ranged from 5.40 to 6.63% in all countries with the exception of Italy, an outlier at 9%.

Please review my IELTS essay task 1

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions