Please review my IELTS essay (RTI - TEST 6 - TASK 1)

Question

TOPIC: The chart below gives information about the production of grains, measured in million metric tons, from the years 2010 to 2015, with projections until 2030.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words.MY ANSWER:The table shows the quantities of grains produced between 2010 to 2015, with predictions until 2030. All figures were shown in million metric tons.Overall, wheat was on top of the table with the highest production whereas the smallest quantities went on rice.In detail, there were 100 million tons of wheat produced in 2010, as twice times as higher than barley. For each five-year timeframe, the production of wheat increased by 2 million tons, and this is also applied for the forecast of 2025 and 2030. Meanwhile, barley relatively had the similar patterns with wheat but its production rose gradually by 20 million tons and could reach a peak of 100 million tons in 2030.When it comes to rice, this category of grains was produced much less than other products, nearly a quarter, compared to wheat in 2010. Then, it recorded an extremely slight fluctuation for a decade, but just around 24.4 on average. Until 2025, it is speculated to jump into 25 million tons in 2025 and grow by 0.5 million tons in 2030. The last one, maize, had a tendency to remain unchanged over a five-year period, with 34.5 million tons from 2015 to 2020. This trend could happen again from 2025 to 2030, with 35 million tons, which is higher than the figure in 2010 by 1 unit.(223 words)NOTES: It seems to me that my essay was too long for an IELTS writing task 1. But I am always afraid of missing any key features. Moreover, I do not know how to diversify the sentence structures to meet the requirements about word count. Could you assess my essay and give me some pieces of advice/ articles about this problem, and especially your model answer? Thanks in advance!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Ng?c Minh 9178Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Those are the instructions.

These are NOT the instructions:

Report every detail of this information.

You need to decide what the main features are. Pick only two or three for the "overall" paragraph.

Make some comparisons in the "detail" paragraph.

Your writing is somewhat awkward and unnatural.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The table shows the quantities of grains produced between 2010 to 2015, (It does not show the years 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014. This is not the right phrase ) with predictions until 2030. All figures were ( You are looking at the table right now, as you are writing. Use present tense. Avoid the word "figure" It is very tricky to use correctly. ) shown in million metric tons. You need to list the different grains that are in the table.

Overall, wheat was on top of the table (Not good. It causes a different interpretation of "table." My newspaper is on top of the table in my breakfast room.) with the highest production whereas the smallest quantities went on (unnatural) rice.

In detail, there were 100 million tons of wheat produced in 2010, as twice times (wrong expression) as higher than barley. For each five-year timeframe, (The reader is confused. You never mentioned 5-year intervals in the description of the table.) the production of wheat increased by 2 million tons, and this is also applied (not a good verb here.) for the forecast of 2025 and 2030. ~~Meanwhile~~, barley relatively (wrong word order. The adverb modifies the adjective "similar", not the verb "have.) had the similar patterns with wheat but its production rose gradually by 20 million tons and could reach a peak (wrong word. You have not read my advice, have you?) of 100 million tons in 2030.

~~When it comes to rice, this category of grains~~ (Too garrulous. Do not use so many words when only one will be perfect.) Rice was produced much less than other products, nearly a quarter, compared to wheat in 2010. Then, it recorded an extremely slight fluctuation (wrong word. You have not read my advice, have you?) for a decade, but (Missing subject. Ungrammatical) just around 24.4 on average. Until 2025, it is speculated (Speculation is a pure guess. It is not a projection or forecast; these values are scientifically computed.) to jump into 25 million tons in 2025 and grow by 0.5 million tons in 2030. ~~The last one,~~ Maize production, ~~had a tendency to remain~~ unchanged over a five-year period, with 34.5 million tons from 2015 to 2020. This trend (A flat curve is no trend at all. A trend is continuous rise or fall.) could happen again from 2025 to 2030, with 35 million tons, which is higher than ~~the figure~~ in 2010 by 1 unit. (wrong word)

PEAK

Does the red X mark the peak (the highest point) of this mountain?

According to you, the answer is "YES". The red X is the peak of the mountain, just like 100 million tons is the peak of barley production predicted for 2030. Just look at the next post. Are you correct or not?

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

---------

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay (~175 words)

Here is my opening paragraph. It very precisely tells the reader about what information is in this table. Note that I give an abbreviation for the units. This is a very good technique to limit word count and tedious repetition. Learn the standard letters for abbreviating common units of measure. M = millions, MT = metric tons. Naming all five grains gives great coherence and cohesion to the essay. The reader will know what is being discussed and there will be no surprises or confusion.

The table lists the production of wheat, barley, maize and rice in millions of metric tons (MMT) at intervals of five years between 2010 and 2030. The values for the first two data points, 2010 and 2015, are actual and the others are forecast.

The "overall" paragraph has four main features: 1) wheat has the largest production values. 2) barley has the largest change (in terms of percentages) 3) the ranking (order) does not change 4) rice is at the bottom. Usually there would be only 2-3 main features, but there were more than my usual number for this table.

Overall, wheat is produced more than the other grains, but the projection for the greatest percentage increase is for barley. The table shows that rank order does not change, with rice consistently at the bottom.

The "details" paragraph focuses on "making relevant comparisons." It first gives the values at the start, 2010, and makes comparisons between the different grains. Then it makes comparisons to the ending values, in 2030, comparing the ending values to the starting ones. The exact values in between (2015, 2020, 2025 and 2030) are nit-picky details. They are not particularly interesting.

In detail, in 2010, 100 MMT of wheat were produced, exactly twice the amount of barley, which stood in second place. It was four times as much as rice (24.7 MMT), and about three times as much as maize (35 MMT). Both rice and maize show only minor variations in both the measured and forecast data; rice stays within the range 24 - 25.5, and maize in the range 34 - 35 MMT. The greatest increase is forecast for barley, whose production will double between 2010 and 2030. Wheat will increase by only 10%.

Please review my IELTS essay (RTI - TEST 6 - TASK 1)

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions