Please review my IELTS essay please and please

Topic: Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often thought that people are able to get married when they are above the age of 21. In my view, I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement.

First, at that age, couples are not mature enough to make decisions together, or in other words, they still need their parents' protection and advice. Undoubtedly, in the marriage life, we are bound to face up to arguments about a wide array of aspects of life. If they are capable of learning to live with them, there will not be any problems. However, if not, a large number of serious issues will be arisen, which may lead to their breakdown. Nonetheless, the number of young couples who can actually live with marital difficulties is small, and people who marry at such a young age are highly likely to break down.

Second, there are many other important things to do at the age of 21. It goes without saying that everyone has a dream career, and to fulfil their ambition, they have to go to university to have the best preparation for their future. If they decide to get married, they will have to give up their dream while seeing their friends endeavour to achieve their goals. Besides, starting a family at a young age also means that people have to miss the most wonderful period in their lifetime that they cannot have a second bite of the cherry to enjoy it again. Instead, they are always worrying about many problems such as finance and job. As a result, they become older and shallower than their peers.

In conclusion, the belief that people are ready to have a family brings them lots of conundrums both in the short term and in the long run.