Please review my IELTS essay please and please

Topic 1: Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday.

Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

My task:

It is often argued that in lieu of community from home to work on a daily basis, it would be beneficial if most of employees worked from home. In my opinion, there are more drawbacks of this than benefits.

First, working from home is very convenient. At the workplace, staff members have to work in cramped conditions, which render them incapable of thinking out of the box. By contrast, at home, they can have a spacious working condition, which fosters their creativity; therefore, the efficiency is increased considerably. Second, working from home means they are not scrutinized by their managers, as a result, they will not be stressed after work.

Despite these strong points, working from home is extremely disadvantageous. The most serious disadvantage is that some employees do not have enough devices. Although computers nowadays are not luxuries, some still can not afford to buy them. Therefore, these people will have to borrow money to purchase smart devices for their job, which may exacerbate their financial problems. Additionally, there are a number of unwelcome distractions at home. For instance, while they are focusing on their work, their children begin to cry, as a consequence, they have to stop their work to fill their children’s need; or there is a sudden electricity cut during their working hours, which also make them desist from working. It can be concluded that all of these weaknesses not only lead to reduced efficiency but demotivate the employees as well.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the prospective minus points of working from home are by far more significant than the possible benefits.