Please review my IELTS essay (CAM 10-TEST 3-TASK1)
WRITING TASK 1: The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
MY WRITING:
The charts show UK graduates and UK postgraduates' choices of work except full-time work after graduating from college 2008. This work list includes: part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment.
Overall, the number of graduate students who went to work is by far larger than that of postgraduates and a few people took part in voluntary work whereas other destinations appealed to most of people.
A deep analysis reveals that about ten times as many graduates as postgraduates went to work. Further study recorded the highest quantity of students in both categories with 29,655 of the former and 2,725 of the latter. Following this, there were 17,735 graduates did part-time jobs while over 2,500 postgraduates did. Unemployment came third when the statistics were closely less than part-time work statistics by a thousand for UK graduates (15,235) and postgraduates (1,625). Compared to abovementioned jobs, voluntary work had the smallest number of volunteers with 3,500 of graduates, which was ten-fold larger than of postgraduates (345).
(164 words)
Top answer
The charts (What kind of charts? There are many kinds, like flow charts, eye charts, organizational charts and pie charts. ) show UK graduates and UK postgraduates' choices of work ( Unemployment is not a choice of work, and neither is "further study") except full-time work after graduating from college (In the UK, college is not university.
- The charts (What kind of charts?
- There are many kinds, like flow charts, eye charts, organizational charts and pie charts.
- ) show UK graduates and UK postgraduates' choices of work ( Unemployment is not a choice of work, and neither is "further study") except full-time work after graduating from college (In the UK, college is not university.
- ) 2008 .
- (incorrect expression) This work list includes: part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment .
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The charts (What kind of charts? There are many kinds, like flow charts, eye charts, organizational charts and pie charts. How many are there?) show UK graduates and UK postgraduates' choices of work (Unemployment is not a choice of work, and neither is "further study") except fu
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