Please review my IELTS essay and give me a band score. Thank you!

Topic:

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

It is quite clear that despite the large amount of financial support from wealth nations, the poorer ones still have not eliminated poverty. In my point of view, I totally agree with the idea that there should be different forms of assistant to poor countries instead of money.

There is no doubt that financial aid from developed countries is one of the reasons leading to corruption in the countries which are supported. This is because when the money is transferred to a country, it has to be got through a lot of government officials with several stages to allocate the sum to places actually needing help. Consequently, it is hard crucial to control the money at each stage causing the scarcity of money for final destinations. For instance, although financial support for residents in a country suffering from severe floods was up to thousands of billion, in fact, they merely received some packs of noodle, milk which were inadequate to recover their normal life.

Moreover, it is also important to realize that this kind of support can take a heavy toll on the development of poorer countries. Firstly, the large sums of money from developed nations are likely to hold back the growth of economic in poorer countries due to imbalances of allocating money. Secondly, poorer countries might become dependent on wealth countries’ help without finding out solutions to thoroughly tackle difficulties in the long term. Besides, it might affect directly inhabitants’ attitude, instead of fighting for survival themselves, they look forward to supports from outsiders.

For the reasons mentioned above, I believed that apart from money, wealth countries should produce others solutions for helping poorer countries deal with difficulties in a radical and lasting way.