Please review my IELTS essay about my ideas and reasoning

Topic: Today many children spend a lot of time playing video games and little time on sports. What are the negative effects of playing computer games? What can be done to minimize these bad effects?

There is little doubt that children to today spend too much time on computer games instead of sports. This can potentially engender health issues and be detrimental to people's social skills. However, these repercussions can be resolved by both the state and parents.

Thoughtlessly playing video games may not pose any imminent drawbacks, but in the long run, it could lead to many physical health problems and even the lack of interpersonal skills. As for health problems, it is unanimously agree that being constantly exposed to the screen, one can hardly steer clear of eye diseases such as sore eyes or short-sightedness. With regarding to interpersonal skills, granted, one might argue that ones can have many conversations revolving around the content of the games with their internet relationship. Nevertheless, the corollary of such type of communication would be the loss of face-to-face interaction, which would in turn push individuals to loneliness when they are not with the screen.

Fortunately, there are sensible solutions can be implemented by the state and parents. The most immediate measure would be the closer parental supervision for example in the form of circumscribing the amount of time children spending digital games. Besides this, parents can take their times playing sports with their children not only to improve family relationship but to encorage them participating in physical activities. To this end, the government would need to put a restrictions on the advertisements of video games on media platforms. It is the bombardment of adverts which incentivizes youngster to engage in video games.

In conclusion, playing video games more than sports can cause the deterioration of social skills and physical health issues. However, this problems can be alleviated by keeping children under parents' control and restricting video game adverts