Please review my IELTS essay :333 And can you score it too?

TOPIC: Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ESSAY:

Due to integration with other nations, the residents’ lives making progress is one of the first priorities. Therefore, it is expected that business corporations make contributions to physical recreations and social upliftment for the native dwellers. I strongly advocate the statement as I believe this community-oriented behaviour benefits both the receivers and the givers.

Firstly, supplying the service for events and sports gives greater opportunity for the gifted with athletic platforms . On the grounds that there is more chance of exercising, it is the residents that are encouraged to participate in them and present their skills, which helps discover the diamonds in the rough. In addition, this policy helps set the right definition and respect the sports talents as the others, hence, the owners can utilize their capacities better in real life rather than overlook them. For example, the work of giving scholarships or certificates for the excellent sportsmanships by holding the competitions values bodily-kinesthetic intelligence. Consequently, they gain prizes, awards and find their place in life by playing the athlete games, in other words, struggle less for their livelihood .

Moreover, when meeting the commands of humans, the groups of entrepreneurs easily strengthen the business ties with the native partners. Multiple companies have taken the chance and given food, or raw materials, clothes to mention but a few as a production to the market, which appears to be outstandingly effective for the contagious reactions to free products. As a result, the vendors are able to improve not only their goodwill among the local people but also their products without any bad reputations.

In conclusion, funding towards social apparatus and sports does favour the community . This does the businesses good with their fame and moral, enhances the career path of sportsmen by any means.