Please review my IELTS essay :333

TOPIC: In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing highschool and starting university studies. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

MY ESSAY:

It is suggested that teenagers should take a gap year traveling or working before pursuing higher education. This proposal has its positive effect on the personal development and experience of the students, however, there can be consequences regarding the misorientation along with the possible neglect of academic studying after that.

On the one hand, having a year-long free time can enable youngsters to experience personal growth. On the grounds that students usually spend most of their time occurring within the four walls of a classroom, they have little time to focus on themselves. Therefore, gappers can compensate for that by self assessing to figure out what they lack and improve it in the whole year. For instance, by discovering new places, the young age can broaden practical knowledge about cultures, society, among countless others. Moreover, this period would be a great chance to gain job experiences. While others spend a great amount of time learning on campus, the gap year alumni are able to work and earn money. As a result, it will possibly be more adaptable to them in terms of independent living.

On the other hand, one of the opportunity costs might be causing them to overlook the importance of tertiary education. This is because the purpose of attending university, to ensure a career path, is possibly denied when gappers have been capable of working and earning a living already. This is deeply flawed since professional qualification proves the necessary traits in the career ladder. Besides, a gap year can be wasted if the individuals are not determined. To illustrate, people tend to procrastinate when they own such a long span of time. In the worst-case, the delay gets excessive until the gap year alumni realize they have spent 1-year life time doing nothing.

In conclusion, although a gap year gives teenagers plenty of opportunities, they should be aware of the trade-offs it brings.

I think it is a little long ( but I dont know how to make it shorter.