Please review my IELTS essay
Topic: Some people think that reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
My essay:
In contemporary society, technological advancement has led to the appearance of numerous modern means of entertainment, namely television and video games. However, some people argue that traditional recreational activities like reading books are more beneficial for children. From my perspective, I totally agree with this statement.
First and foremost, early exposure to books is of paramount importance in stimulating children’s mental development. Unlike watching cartoons channels, whose visual and aural elements are available for the children to comprehend the plots, reading verbal materials require children to visualize the characters and the contents as well as contemplate the subtle messages behind the stories. Therefore, their imagination and creativity are boosted remarkably.
Second, having an interest in books is a leading contributor to a student's improvement in literacy. Obviously, the more books children peruse, the more vocabulary they accumulate for their essay writing. Moreover, by reading books, students subconsciously understand how other writers structure their stories and then incorporate these rules into their own writings.
Last but not least, reading books hardly exert any negative impacts on readers' health. It is scientifically proven that blue light emitted from technological devices such as smartphones and computers are detrimental to the user's eye quality and more seriously, children's brain function. Accordingly, choosing reading books as a recreational activity minimizes children's likelihood of suffering from such diseases.
In conclusion, I believe that children receive numerous benefits from reading books but none from playing games. Therefore, the onus is on the parents to nurture their offspring's passion for reading books as well as avoid letting the get indulged in television programs and computer games.
Top answer
In contemporary society, technological advancement has led to the appearance of numerous (That is unnecessary and not really relevant to the task. If you write straightforward ideas focused on the topic, you will do better. ) we have various modern means of entertainment, such as namely television and video games.
- In contemporary society, technological advancement has led to the appearance of numerous (That is unnecessary and not really relevant to the task.
- If you write straightforward ideas focused on the topic, you will do better.
- ) we have various modern means of entertainment, such as namely television and video games.
- However, some people argue that traditional recreational activities like reading books are more beneficial for children and From my perspective, (The verb "agree" gives a perspective.
- It gives an opinion or viewpoint.
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In contemporary society, technological advancement has led to the appearance of numerous (That is unnecessary and not really relevant to the task. If you write straightforward ideas focused on the topic, you will do better. ) we have various modern means of enterta
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