Please review my IELTS essay

Question

More and more people no longer read newspapers or watch TV programmes to get news. They get news about the world through the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development ?In the twenty- first century, alongside the development of technology, people tend to up- to- date information through the Internet more instead of reading newspapers or watching TV programs. This trend has both benefits and drawbacks.On the one hand, people can update news faster and more flexible by searching information on the Internet. Only by surfing on the Internet can people find hot issues or information that they need easily. Instead of waiting for a news programme broadcasted timely or going to a store to buy a newspaper, people can find news easily only by an electronic device connected to the Internet. As a result, they can save their money as well as time and use them for other necessary purposes. Furthermore, reducing environmental pollution thanks to less paper produced.On the other hand, updating news through newspapers makes people have the wrong view of an issue. Not all news on the Internet is checked thoroughly before being posted and makes readers wrongly approach issues. For example, there are some newspapers that misrepresent the Covid 19 pandemic. It is said that the pandemic is about to have a big outbreak and urged people to hoard food. This causes confusion among the people and other deleterious consequences about the economy as well as society.In conclusion, nowadays people prefer updating news on the Internet to newspapers or TV programs. This trend could be a positive sign of technological development, but also bring adversely impact on the economy and society.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

In the twenty- first century, (No spaces) ~~alongside the development of technology~~, (That is not logical. It is not the task.) people tend to up- to- date (wrong word. That is not a verb. "tend to + verb") information through the Internet ~~more~~ instead of reading newspapers or watching TV programs. ~~This trend has both benefits and drawbacks~~. (wrong answer.)

You are writing the wrong response. Read the instructions. Your task is to answer the prompt:

Is this a positive or negative development?

This is an agree/disagree type of essay. There are two correct answers:

1. It is a positive development.
2. It is a negative development.

Pick one of these answers. That is your thesis statement (your opinion) in the opening paragraph.

Then write two body paragraphs. Each paragraph has a different reason for your answer.

You need to state your answer

~~On the one hand,~~ (wrong transition phrase. Use this only for "discuss both views" or "advantages/disadvantages.) people can update news (Wrong expression. Only reporters update the news. That is their job. Regular people do not update the news.) faster and more flexible (wrong form) by searching information on the Internet. Only by surfing on the Internet can people find hot issues or information that they need easily. Instead of waiting for a news programme to be broadcasted ~~timely~~ or going to a store to buy a newspaper, people can find news easily ~~only~~ by a smartphone or computer ~~an electronic device~~ connected to the Internet. As a result, they can save their money as well as time and use them for other necessary purposes. Furthermore, reducing environmental pollution thanks to less paper produced. (That is not a sentence. It is a fragment. There is no main verb.)

~~On the other hand,~~ (wrong transition phrase.) updating news through newspapers makes people have the wrong view of an issue. Not all news on the Internet (This is not logical. You were writing about newspapers, not the internet. The reader is very confused. ) is checked thoroughly before being posted and makes readers wrongly approach (wrong word) issues. For example, there are some newspapers that misrepresent the Covid 19 pandemic. It is said that the pandemic is about to have a big outbreak and urged people to hoard food. This causes confusion among the people and other deleterious consequences about (wrong word) the economy as well as society.

In conclusion, nowadays people prefer updating news (wrong expression) on the Internet to newspapers or TV programs. ~~This trend could be a positive sign of technological development, but also bring adversely impact on the economy and society~~. (Wrong answer. You did not answer the question. You did not state your opinion. You lose points for "task response").

Please review my IELTS essay

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