Please Review My IELTS Essay?

Question

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Luck appears in any stages of humans' personal development process and provides them with numerous positive changes. It can be regarded as a catalyst which helps people orientate themselves towards their current success; however, I am of the belief that competence is actually the core factor leading to people's achievements.   Luck can emerge in many forms, whether people realize it or not. Some people who were born in a wealthy family, have a supportive mentor, or are endowed with talents, can all be deemed to be lucky. Good fortune cannot be foreseen and it elevates people's positions, regardless of their social class, when conquering success. The game "Among us" epitomizes this point. Released in 2018, this game, which had no reputation at first and was believed to fade into oblivion, incredibly surpassed other games and remained at the top of the most-played games list for months. This achievement partly resulted from the outbreak of COVID-19 pandemic at the end of 2019, when the number of people using technological gadgets for entertainment purposes rocketed because of social distancing. If it had not been for this disease, that game would not have reached its current result. Success, therefore, can be gained due to lucky factors.    On the other hand, I believe that a goal achieved by good fortune is an unsustainable success. Fortune may come once or twice, but it never stays with people forever. Only when people know how to jump at a chance, can they realize what they can learn from their luck and use their experience to deal with upcoming challenges in their goal-achieving process. To grasp the opportunities, people need to have competence in observation, analysis, communication and the like. As a case in point, someone once said: "Chance favors the prepared mind".   To sum up, good fortune partly contributes to achievements; however, people, instead of entirely relying on their chances, should improve themselves in order to grasp their chances directly.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You did not answer the prompt question. Your essay is quite a bit off-topic.

The examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is good to know a good handful of adverbs of extent because this is a very common prompt in IELTS Task 2 essays.

Complete agreement / disagreement:
------------

completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

In fact, your essay is off-topic. Here is the task.

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck.

It is not about success in winning the lottery.
It is not about having a very wealthy family.
It is not about the popularity of a game.

It is about the role of luck in reaching one's goals.

For example, here are some goals

Martha is overweight. She sets a goal to lose 4 kg of excess weight in the next 3 months.
Joe aims to finish a marathon race next year in under 3 hours.
Cynthia sets a goal to win an academic scholarship so she can afford go to university.
Peter wants to be in the top 10% of his graduating class in high school, because that will guarantee he will be accepted into university.
Maybelle wants Henry to propose marriage to her before they graduate from university.

You have to

1. State how much you agree / disagree.

2. First body paragraph - the main reason for your answer.

3. Second body paragraph - another reason for your answer.

4. Conclusion.

Luck appears in any stages of humans' (wrong word) personal development ~~process~~ and provides them with numerous positive changes. (unnatural) It can be regarded as a catalyst which helps people orientate themselves (the question is achieving a goal, not orienting towards it or discovering it.) towards their current success; however, I ~~am of the belief that~~ unreservedly disagree that luck plays the primary role; competence is actually the core factor leading to people's realizing their goals. ~~achievements~~.

Luck can manifest itself / appear ~~emerge~~ in many forms, whether people realize it or not. Some people who were born in a wealthy family, have a supportive mentor, or are endowed with talents, can all be deemed to be lucky. Good fortune cannot be foreseen and it elevates people's positions, regardless of their social class, when conquering (wrong word - you can conquer the obstacles to success. Nobody wants to defeat success - that is counterproductive!) success. The game "Among us" illustrates ~~epitomizes~~ (wrong word) this point. Released in 2018, this game, which had no following ~~reputation~~ at first and was believed to fade into oblivion, incredibly surpassed other games and remained at the top of the most-played games list for months. (This is not relevant at all to the topic. It is not about the success of a product or game. It is about people who set a goal for themselves and actually reach it. ) This achievement partly resulted from the outbreak of COVID-19 pandemic at the end of 2019, when the number of people using technological gadgets (wrong phrase) for entertainment purposes ~~rocketed~~ because of social distancing. If it had not been for this disease, that game would not have reached its current result. Success, therefore, can be gained due to lucky factors.

(Games do not set goals for themselves. They are inanimate objects. You have to use a real person. Also, this paragraph does not support your thesis that luck is not the primary factor, but competence is. Delete this paragraph.)

The next paragraph is very very general. It is not very effective.

~~On the other hand,~~ (wrong phrase for an agree/disagree essay) I believe that a goal achieved by good fortune is an unsustainable success. Fortune may come once or twice, but it never stays with people forever. Only when people know how to jump at a chance, can they realize what they can learn from their luck and use their experience to deal with upcoming challenges in their goal-achieving process. To grasp the opportunities, people need to have competence in observation, analysis, communication and the like. As a case in point, someone once said: "Chance favors the prepared mind".

To sum up, good fortune partly contributes to achievements; however, people, instead of entirely relying on their chances, should improve themselves in order to grasp their chances directly.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

LilinggggWhether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Here is an example essay that relates to this task.

Some people believe that they can reach any goal they desire simply by waiting for a streak of good luck to carry them to their objective. I could not disagree more since winning hardly ever happens by chance. Instead, the critical factors are setting reasonable goals, making a plan, and sticking to it.

A person will never achieve an aim if they never decide what it is. And if it is preposterous or outlandish, they will never get there either. So the first step in realizing a goal, is to write it down and ask, is this doable? A goal must be specific and measurable. For example, Lim is a senior in high school. He is on the track team and is a good runner, but he never wins a race. His goal is to win a 5k race before he graduates. He thinks that it is achievable, but will require commitment, dedication, a good coach, and a healthy lifestyle.

The next step is hard work. For each goal, a plan for success is required. In addition, intermediate sub-goals and a measurement method indicates if they are on track. Then they have to think about the objective each and every day. Lim, the runner, needs to ask his team coach for a plan to increase his endurance and speed. He needs to have his coach time his practice run each week and go on a short run every day to build his endurance. If he obeys his coach, he has a great chance of winning. Luck plays no part at all, only determination and sticking to the plan.

In conclusion, if someone wants to reach a goal, it must be specific and achievable. With persistence and devotion, anyone, without any help from lady luck, can realize their aims.

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