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Question

Two pie charts describe the change in five energy sources to produce electric energy in the US between 1970 and 1980.

Overall, coal sources accounted for nearly half of the total of both charts while a significant variation appeared in nuclear after a decade.

Both coal and nuclear sources increased by fourteen percent from 1970 to 1980. In particular, coal source was 47% in 1970 and had slightly increased to 51% in 1980, closely half of both charts. In contrast, nuclear accounted for a small amount which was only 1% in 1970 but after ten years, dramatically went up by 10 percent.

On the other hand, three sources including natural gas, hydrogen, and oil had a little alteration, generally, decreasing from 52% to 48% in ten years. Hydro and oil were 28%, all told, in 1970 and those dropped unsignificantly to 12% and 11%, respectively. Whereas, natural gas declined significantly by nearly half compared to the former after ten years.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

~~Two pie charts describe the change in five energy sources to produce electric energy in the US between 1970 and 1980.~~

There are thee issues with your first paragraph.

1. "Describe" - A description is a paragraph in words. The pie charts do not have any paragraphs.
2. "Change" - Nor do they plot the changes. You have to compute the changes by subtracting one set of values from another.

3. Five sources - You did not list any of these sources. That means poor cohesion and coherence in the rest of the essay. Read my advice for Task 1 essays, especially about the opening paragraph.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Here is an opening paragraph that clearly tells the university lecturer what is in this infographic.

The two pie charts, 1970 and 1980, divide / categorize / break down (any of these verbs can be used) total electricity production in the US by fuel source. Five are shown: coal, oil, nuclear, hydropower and natural gas.

Note that "coal" in this paragraph makes a seamless transition to "coal" in the next paragraph. That gives your essay coherence and cohesion.

Overall, coal ~~sources~~ accounted for nearly half of the total of both charts while a significant variation (wrong word. There are only two time points. Variation is change over many time points. ) appeared in nuclear. ~~after a decade.~~ (Unnatural. You gave the two time points in the first paragraph.)

Both coal and nuclear sources increased by fourteen percent (Wrong phrasing. This means that coal went up 14% and nuclear did also. That is not accurate. Also, this combination of categories is not logical. What do they have in common? - Nothing. One is a fossil fuel, the other is renewable energy.. One was the largest source, the other was the smallest. You have to group categories that make logical sense, not just pick two at random. ) from 1970 to 1980. In particular, coal ~~source~~ was 47% in 1970 and had slightly increased to 51% in 1980, ~~closely~~ (wrong word.) ~~half of both charts~~. (Delete. A university lecturer knows that these values are close to half.) In contrast, nuclear accounted for a small amount, ~~which was only~~ 1%, in 1970 but after ten years, ~~dramatically~~ ~~went~~ had gone up by 10 percent.

(If you want to express "dramatic" in Task 1 do not use a "drama" word. Use mathematics. For example:

It had risen by more than an order of magnitude.

It had increased by a factor of 11.

It had gone up by more than tenfold.

~~On the other hand,~~ (This is not a good transition for task 1 It is for describing the opposite view of two views. . Use it for Task 2. ) three sources including natural gas, hydrogen, (wrong word. Hydrogen is a chemical element. It is not used a major power source for electricity. ) and oil had a little alteration, (wrong word. Alteration is mainly used when you take you old jeans to a seamstress, who alters them to fit you better. The change in coal was not very much either. ) generally, decreasing from 52% to 48% ~~in ten years~~. Hydro and oil were 28%, all told, in 1970 and those dropped unsignificantly to 12% and 11%, respectively. Whereas, natural gas declined ~~significantly~~ by nearly half compared to the former ~~after ten years~~.

I really could not follow your logic in this paragraph. It is very incoherent. For example, you total Hydroelectric power and oil (for some unknown reason), and do not give separate values in 1970, but then you give separate values for 1980. That is very disjointed.
When you combine categories, you must give a reason for why you decided to do that.

You need to keep practicing Task 1. It is a very difficult task.
If you would like a sample essay to study, you may ask for one.

Anonymous · Answer

Nina228electric energy

This is odd and wordy. Native speakers usually just say electricity.

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