Please review my IELTS essay

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities.

To what extent do you agree?

My essay:

Some people think that since healthcare workers and teachers contribute greatly to society, they deserve higher pay compared to famous entertainers and sportspeople. I disagree with this view.

There are several reasons why it is justified that certain famous people earn an enormous amount of money. First, celebrities have the ability to generate a lot of revenue for their and other organizations. In particular, matches with famous athletes can sell thousands of tickets, and movies that feature well-known actors and actresses can attract millions of audiences. Similarly, by hiring famous people for advertisement, companies can increase their products’ public awareness, credibility and sales. Second, all these activities also provide many employment opportunities - stars need many people to work for them such as makeup artists and wardrobe stylists, and directors and camera operators are needed to make movies.

Unfortunately, it would be impossible to pay doctors, nurses and teachers nearly as much. They are responsible for enhancing public well-being and education, so there are millions of them in every nation. Most of such employees work in the public sector, so they are funded by tax money. However, this is not sufficient to pay a handsome salary to each one. In contrast, celebrities have sponsors and their media companies remunerating them. In addition, although healthcare workers and teachers are vital to our society, they clearly do not directly create a lot of income and jobs as a sports or entertainment star does. As earning power is largely based on how much money can be generated from workers, doctors and teachers are unable to earn more than famous people.

In conclusion, it is unrealistic to pay healthcare workers and teachers more than famous sports players and entertainers because they are supported by tax revenue, and their monetary value is much lower than these stars.