Please review my IELTS essay

Topic:

In some countries, more and more shops are closing down because so many people now shop online. What problems might this cause? What is the best way to deal with this problem?

My essay:

The unprecedented growth of e-commerce in modern times is at the expense of the traditional way of purchasing, meaning an increasing number of physical stores that are out of business. Although there are various negative consequences that can be anticipated from this trend, societies can take steps to minimize the impacts of such problems.

The gradual disappearance of physical stores could trigger a chain of issues. Following shutting down, affected business owners and their employees have to find another job, and normally, they could only secure a place in large factories or online retailers that gain major profit from this trend. Certain manual labour workers there are often underpaid and overworked in unsafe conditions, and the part-time staff do not receive insurance and could be fired without a reason. Moreover, consumers who used to shop at supermarkets and outlets are forced to shop online as their usual shopping points closed down. They are more than likely to face the problems associated with online shopping, including low-quality products and fraud. Also, as people can order far from their homes, the transportation of these goods emits a large amount of exhaust into the atmosphere, hastening climate change.

However, there are various measures that could be taken to tackle these problems. First, brick-and-mortar shops could use digital marketing, such as social media promotion, and introduce discounts requiring consumers to directly visit the store to encourage customers’ offline shopping habits. Second, governments could subsidize local stores and implement high taxes on major online retailers. They could also introduce a policy that forces businesses to charge customers an additional fee for long-distance orders, which can be used to finance environmental activities. In addition, policymakers should set a minimum wage that is sufficient for citizens’ daily needs and obligate businesses to offer their workers comprehensive, affordable health insurance.

In conclusion, problems associated with the rise of e-commerce and the fall of in-store businesses include a larger unskilled, underpaid workforce, increased wealth inequality, used-to-offline shoppers’ inconvenience as well as environmental cost. However, these can be mitigated by physical store owners taking advantage of the Internet and various commercial and health laws that disincentive online shopping and ensure workers’ rights.

Thanks in a million.