Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are some people who think that the police should not publicize the personal information of violent offenders. However, there is a more persuasive argument that this information should be available to the society since it is a good way to protect other residents' lives.

On the one hand, protecting individual data of lawbreakers is generous as it gives them an opportunity to remake their lives. This is due to the fact that the majority of people try to be far from who used to commit an offence. Therefore, it seems to be extremely hard for a criminal to return to live and work normally as others. For example, my uncle has a son who used to be in prison for killing his friend because of an unwanted argument at school. Luckily, the victim's family agreed to hide my cousin's information and now, he is an organizer of a popular charity and live as a honest person.On the other hand, communities are always concerned about the violent criminals , especially people who are the victims in these cases. It is because these criminals mainly cause serious crimes such as family or education violence, especially murder, moreover, are able to break the law a second time. Thus, the police should publicize who they are as a way to prevent the society from potential danger and bring the last right for the unfortunate victims. For instance, there was a study carried out in Viet Nam showing that Vietnamese crime rate declined considerably in the early 21st century after the law of announcing the information of all criminals was imposed.To sum up, while it is apparent that protecting the individual information of violent lawbreakers can be a great tolerance for them to remake a new life, it is undeniable that publicizing them is more sensible as it deserves what they have caused to the society.