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19_Xuân Nguyên Posted 4 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my IELTS essay

Topic:

Some people believe that smartphones are destroying social interaction today. To what extent do you agree or disagree? My essay:

These days, ratios with the development of modern technology, there are some arguments that the appearance of smartphones is creating considerable distances of social communication among people. Personally, I partly agree with this view.
On the one hand, the birth of smartphones has decreased face-to-face interaction. This means not many people today meet and talk in person. For instance, most coffee shops are filled with people using their phones and not talking with each other. The direct conversations of each other today are decreasing because of phone-addicted. People can lose joy in daily communication as they are not very good at talking with others, which may cause lackness of affection among friends and families.

However, the other hand shows that smartphones can provoke communications online. Social media such as Facebook or Instagram give people opportunities that did not exist on the past. They can easily join groups with people having the same tastes. Users can be themselves and share their stories or ask for advice if needed with an anonymous account. Moreover, smartphones break the wall of geographical distance create interactions between people from different places. That not only creates the meeting from abroad friends and families but also opens up the possibilities for people from all over the world to communicate and learn about others culture.

In conclusion, the advantages or disadvantages of smartphones depend on the way we it. They should be used wisely in order to keep in touch with friends and homebodies but not rely on it all the time.

  

Top answer

These days, ratios (wrong word) with the development of modern technology , (Your phrase lacks specificity. Do not write broad generalizations) there are some arguments that the appearance of smartphones is creating considerable distances (wrong phrase) of social communication among people. Personally, I partly agree with this view.

  • These days, ratios (wrong word) with the development of modern technology , (Your phrase lacks specificity.
  • Do not write broad generalizations) there are some arguments that the appearance of smartphones is creating considerable distances (wrong phrase) of social communication among people.
  • Personally, I partly agree with this view.
  • On the one hand, the birth of general spread of the use of smartphones has decreased face-to-face interaction.
  • This means not many people today meet and talk in person.
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1 Answers
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These days, ratios (wrong word) with the development of modern technology, (Your phrase lacks specificity. Do not write broad generalizations) there are some arguments that the appearance of smartphones is creating considerable distances

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