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Piggy Pink Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my IELTS essay!

In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors, and they lack a sense of community. What are the causes? How to solve this problem?


In major metropolises, more and more people are showing deliberate ignorance of the acquaintances living in the same locality, creating a sense of disconnection in the community. Personally, this issue arises from too much time spent on the media and our associations with hectic lifestyles, thereby highlighting the need to implement more community initiatives to bind a neighborhood together.


There are two reasons why hardly do people know their neighbors. The primary of which is their reduced spared time available for forming relationships with nearby acquaintances. Undoubtedly, many people are being overwhelmed with strenuous activities due to their hectic lifestyles, left with a highly limited amount of time to enjoy other aspects or activities such as meeting and playing sports with their neighbors. Moreover, people’s neglectful attitude towards their neighbors is also attributable to their tendency to engage in virtual conversations. Unarguably, life is being inextricably connected to the mobile network, so many online users are more likely to make a transition to an online neighborhood community, rather than hold face-to-face conversations. Consequently, most individuals are inattentive to their neighbors, thereby lacking an intimate relationship with them.


Nevertheless, several measures could be taken to alleviate this problem. The first solution would be to provide more communal playgrounds for the local inhabitants. Should there be open spaces or fitness areas for residents to spend their time at, there will be more interactions among people. Furthermore, the local authority ought to allocate money to initiating more group projects for participants to earn money. Indeed, these projects can promote relationships in the neighborhood, creating more chances for people to converse and work with their neighbors. For example, by doing voluntary work such as caring for the elderly or planting trees, people can not only help improve the quality of life but also spend a great time with nearby living acquaintances.


In conclusion, it is obvious that there are many reasons for the disappearance of the sense of community, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.

  

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In major metropolises, more and more people are showing deliberate (wrong word - There is nothing in the task that tells you this is intentional.) ignorance (Not a good word choice.) of the acquaintances (Opposite word. An acquaintance is

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