Please review my IELTS essay

Oct 31: We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is widely acknowledged that there have been numerous world issues that require the support of many people to resolve them. However, some people maintain that it is impossible to support everyone in the world, and we should therefore only give our hands to our own community or country. From where I stand, although no one can manage to help the whole world, I totally disagree that we should not express care for or take actions for the world.

On the one hand, we should make our best efforts to solve the issues in our own country or community. For instance, in most communities, there are impoverished people who desperately need financial support. People in one community can, and should, join hands to raise funds or volunteer in order to help the disadvantaged enhance their quality of life and create a sustainable and united society. In fact, most people can express their concern with a variety of simple actions such as donating small amounts of money or spreading awareness about problems in the community.

On the other hand, everyone should also do as much as possible to help the world. First, the world is merely a big version of a community. Much as the rest of the world, apart from ours, seems different, there is one common feature: people - those who would love to lead good lives but invariably have to suffer from a great many problems. Thus, every measures to support people in need have a similar pattern: being aware about the problem, taking specific actions to give support and raising others' awareness about it. Second, all communities are interconnected. To illustrate, we may not see environmental problems that people far away from us have to endure. However, it does not mean we should not be concerned because everything we do can more or less affect the environment. To be more specific, when we dump plastic bottles into the sea, we are not only polluting that one sea but are also damaging the whole environment, thereby having negative effects on the water that others drink. If people are more concerned about world issues, they can avoid deteriorating the lives of others as well as inventing great solutions to deal with large-scale matters together.

In conclusion, we should always reach out to help others in need, whether they are in or outside our own community.