Please review my IELTS essay

My topic:

Some think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

My writing:

In this day and age, learning at academy still plays an essential role for humans, which helps people broaden opportunities, update themselves and lead to success. However, controversy exists regarding the ideal way to bring academic systems for learners. Some insist that university only ought to focus on what is necessary for future workers, whereas, others side with more theoretic benefits.

Admittedly, there are quite undeniable reasons for the former. At educational institution, students are able to learn and access to academic knowledge systems which are delivered from experts in their field. It is the fact that there are some specific occupations have to apply most studies people had learnt. Take a doctor being a shining example, they might not carry on the operation unless they have basic knowledge about its process and patient’s health problem. To couple with it, through lectures and internship’s time, students have chances to gain and practice soft-skills, which are necessary for their future workplace, such as teamwork, presentation, communication, solving problem, etc. These skills essential, regardless of how competitive in a job market would be. Additionally, focus on something needed, learners tend to know clearly what they ought to obtain and apply for their future, which curtails overwhelmed feeling and also raise their motivation in learning. To a greater extent, being intellectual and skillful would stand students out of other applicators and also promote in order to earn higher salaries in the long run.

On another side, at academy, learners are able to obtain enormous of theory knowledge as much as possible, which might not be related to their filed. In modern life, people have a tendency to update themselves via are likely to become an obstacle. The reason is that learners hardly apply all of them in their occupations. In addition, this would be difficult for students to figure out what things are suitable for them in the future.

All things considered, I am convinced that students should be provided essential knowledge as well as skill in order to be successful employers rather than clever learners.