Please review my IELTS essay

Topic:

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

My essay:

During the process of child development, the ability to differentiate between right and wrong from a young age is very necessary for children. While I argue that punishments can sometimes have positive effects on children and therefore should be applied, I also believe that good education from loved ones and teachers will be a proper way to help children.

It is undeniable that punishments could change the awareness of children. When children have wrong-doings such as disobeying and telling a lie, instant light punishments or warnings are vital for realizing their mistakes and eliminating bad behaviors. A good example of this is that I usually played truant to hang out at parks or internet cafes with my friends when I was at primary school. So, I failed the final exam and must resit. My mom was so angry and asked me to walk to school and do all household chores for a month. This not only helps me realize that skipping classes is improper but also increases my self-discipline.

However, to help children learn the difference between right and wrong, both parents and teachers must set an example for them. Harsh corporal punishments should be used because they have negative impacts on child development such as mental disorders, deep depressions, and even pose a threat to their physical health. It is interesting to note that during the rebellion of teenagers, they easily get angry and fight arguments against their parents, so severe punishments will not have a useful effect on them. For this reason, providing good role modeling in their own behaviors is significant.

In conclusion, it seems to me that there are numerous great ways to teach children to distinguish right from wrong apart from punishment.

Thanks a lot for your kindness!