Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.

The pie charts indicate the distribution of employment in different flatforms, including manufacturing, sales, and services, in town A and town B between 1960 and 2010.

It is noticable that in town A, services-related jobs became more popular than those in other sectors, which had the biggest rate in 2010. Meanwhile, in town B, despite the growth of jobs in the services and sales sectors, manufactuaring still remained the highest percentage of workforce in both years.

In 1960, 40% of people in town A worked in the manufacturing sector, and that decreased roughly by half in 2010, or 21%. The same trend was seen in the percentage of people choosing sales-related jobs which halved from 30% to 16%. Services jobs had only 20% of employees in 1960, however, that suddenly surpassed other sectors to attract the highest proportion of employees at 64% in 2010.

In town B, in 1960, The majority of people chose the manufaturing flatform to work, despite this slightly dropped in 2010, from 70% to 53%. Services and sales sectors, by constrast, rose in the proportion of employees of 15% and 2%, respectively